Latest: 23 April 1999
I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.
Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes familiy, christianity, and othercheats. The simple reason is that it may well by that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of mymaterials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as manyreferences to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changinga iota or tittel...
And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong
that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure
I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement
on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called uponusto respect
the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a
thing. Lying, imagine that.
A little correction on yesterdays' remark on the remote corner of the universes' consciousness where we supposedly could have been stashed away: that was primarily meant as to indicate that I can imagine the type of thinking, not as a serious assesment of life and everything, because simply talking about the whole universe, and than even before the alledged big bang, assigning it a consciousnes, and than linking that up with human life is just a bit steep for the averag earthlings that haven't even traveled to the next planet in their own miserable solar system yet. Proposterous, is the expression. So did Jesus become and alien when he left? Donno, I don't doubt that their is a lot of physical and spiritual (are they the same or linked is the evident question here) stuff we haven't a clue about, but that's no reason to skip any decent form of scientific thinking. Popper most probably didn't imply that the modus ridens (there are rules in formal logic that state that if you start from an untrue assertion, every conclusion is formally admissable, they did make me sweat for that exam, but I formally have a heavy university degree including the formal logic course) should act as a proposition generator for non-sense assertions that take lots of effort to falsify, when he stated that every assertion is true unless proven not so. Even Proverbs may agree (considering the translation is up to standard) that 1 fool can pose more questions than 10 wise man can answer. Not desirable.
My current fav is cd 2 track 4, I think: wait until tomorrow. I have the impression the band lags behind on the theme and voice on that one. Teaches phusion musiartists a lesson, that little analog tape with built in compression and hiss on top of the marshal hum and pedal noise. Me needs playing that kind of stuff again, gotta get me a band. Touch hard without even as much as a (poly) work synth. Must sell some pa sys's, or save up more.
On the non-fun side of things: why is it that I don't know what to say or even think when I understand that I am with people that have undergone the kind of tortures that I've described yesterday, and that are still confronted with dispicable nobodies that seem to allow themselves to think that that is not even enough, and that they can still try to control them, threaten them, and abuse them even further? When I'd think about suggesting that girls/women (though I don't doubt there are men that suffered some of those things as well) should tell assholes like that simply to go to hell and don't mind, it doesn't change the misery in itself, and I'm not sure it is possible to think that way just like that. And from what I see happen all the time, those oppressive and freedom and straightforward social intelligence insulting games are played all the time by people that I than automatically do not take as leading.
I've never considered these types of situations when I read the biblical descriptions of the state of the word system (greek 'cosmos': the make up of the surface of the world), so I wonder which clues I may be missing, though I don't doubt for one second that a free, fear free, honorable and honoured, dignified, undevoid of necessarities and useful life is what the god that I want to serve and know is at least about.
I know it is a christian thought to pray with and for gouvernmental persons, to have a god fearing and quiet life (literal quote, after roman standards), and that gouvernment c.q. states may even have instituted by god (why not live as monkey troops, in all freedom otherwise?), and are in the future judged by him as a whole, but when 'my' minister president needs Melinda (from my wanted page) to compensate for his lack of leadership, insight, manhood and even humanity, I take it for the same bastard as I would take everyone that is part of abusers circles as I've described. Wanna have honour? Start with living according to our constitution, otherwise, you're a criminal in my mind, and that automatically means that you cannot have gouvernmental positions, in fact you can't even be a civil servant than. Simple solution. We'll vote for someone that isn't affraid of the maffia, I think these type of things were a major reason to fight bloody and lengthy wars to solidly prescribe what is and is not allowed for any citizen. Unrealistic? Get your head examined. I've lived for all my life without having to buy the 'services' of unvolantary whores and their incredible suffering would do me bad, not good to know about, and would make me kill instead of live when I saw someone wanting to inflict such harm, and I live, and see no reason why I couldn't have a position like that, assuming I'd have the ambition and enough time to gather experience in the right jobs Which just goes to say that I can easily imagine that child abusers, whore torturers, and illegal slave abusers are not the only qualified gouvernment leaders or partakers, on the contrary, and are therefor enot jut redundant, but undesriable, to say the least.
Oh, and the possibly god given institute of the roman empire had no problem using the sword when they didn't like people that were a bit too spooky for them. Simple solution. I mean: to claim that there is no solotion for all that kind of misery without including the idea that bastards that do those kind of incredibly evil simply could die themselves instead of their children is a touch to insulting for any IQ of lets say at least 50. If they need to sacrifice something because otherwise I-don't-know-what, let's sacrifice them, I guess the deamons they serve would be just as happy with that, and otherwise there'l be no one around to remind us that they aren't, won't there. Pretty simple. It recently occured to me that none of those bastards ever dared to simply inform me of their wherabouts telling me that I should so and so or else. Guess they're not that powerful after all. Some that I suspect strongly of very abusive practices (besides power abuse) didn't even dare to answer my pretty clear emails. Guess it doesn't make you very brave to wrape little girls or other defenseless victims. Or would it be the other way around?
And a remark about Ingrid: I wrote we went out the first night, etc. and I should mention that she very soon after that she was together (undefined, because I didn't and still don't realy know) with something else, who probably had made a kind of deal of the above sort, probably abusing at least the fact that I didn't want to start an in-house fresh-student relation in a techno-env student house first thing, to leave her and everybody else some breathing space, and judging from some info probably a lot worse. That to answer to how it is reasonably possible that she's on the wanted page while I've lived with her and seen her for years. I thought she didn't want anything further, and the same holds for others, while in fact some must have tried to make them terrified at least for even liking me. I still can't imagine persuing a relation further than what naturally follows without the other person clearly wanting it, often I do think about it how to deal with people that effectively are enslaved and oppressed up to the point of hardly having a will of their own at all. No reason to force even more, but certainly a reason to want to persue the most effective way to get them free and better.
All these situations seemed unnecessary difficult until some time ago, and I now think about what the best ways are to prevent them, especially if the victims are uncapable of listening what their heavenly father (if applicable) may have to say about what they should do. Or haven't the knowledge to know that is always better to do what He wants, which is realy essential, it even held for Jesus, though he supposedly did no wrong and was Gods own.
What's a 'natural' relation with such emotional luggage (a dutchism, no doubt)? Heh I like you, lets chat/talk/go out, like to touch, no questions needed, and more, and sleep and nice and more (punk-non poem, compared to the observed environment life, though for me provably not an impossibility). I'm not sure it's appropriate to further de-personalize and un-privatize such lifes, but Jolanda (the dutch girl from the bool about her incredibly abused life) wrote that for her it was very important that she found someone that at least listened to and believed her, and had some kind of at least remotely nice sex with her, when she realy wanted to get away. And that she wanted one or more children of her own, though I'm not too sure what exactly to think about all that.
4:34 AM and lots to think about.