Theo Verelst Diary Page

Wed 11 july 2001, 15:29 PM

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.

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Wed 11 june 2001, 15:29 PM

I'm trying to work on the synth and software subject, document some things and explain them, and think about essentials of life. Sometimes at the same time, which is not such bad idea, but it could get confusing without seperate section headings.

Putting a few things together

Last days subject isn't over, maybe I'll get to it, but first the results of a little homework and a major improvement: a string simulator program with direct audio feed, that is it renders audio directly over the PC's audio channel while it simulates the vibrations in the virtual strings and feedback.

These are the sources of the latest development version; they should be enough to compile yourself under a decent enough compiler, though this is NOT a source distribution, it is a zip archive for my own backup, without path information, though with a makefile and .o's for the sound library.

I've made a very basic tryout zip file, which contains the cygwin1.dll (needed for the program, takes over half a megabyte), and a compiled direct audio version of the string simulator, as far as you computer horsepower is up to it, I think at least over a few hundred megaherz pentiums are needed to get the fixed CD quality sound.

The subject of horsepower is definately interesting, because the application is not built in an inefficient way, a few few hundred order equivalent filters and processing to update the whole string every time for 44.100 samples per second simply takes quite some computations. There are floating point tangents in the non-linear amplifier section, which could be sped up, so improvements are possible.

Quite scientifically interesting is the idea of distributing these computations. Lets say we want to feed back the amplifiers' output to every string, and feed it without delay from every string, then the network between the distrubuted nodes, has to carry a mono audio channel per string at CD quality,
which is just under 100 kBytes per second, and a channel back for the amplifier output to every node, supposing every node does one string. No matter how, this data cannot have any latency more than a per sample computation, unless the feedback of the mixed strings has delay, which is quite a stringent demand for a network connecting the nodes.

TI now has simulator board for $499 with quite some stuff and a over 1Gops DSP, that too should do the trick quite well. They now even have Tcp/Ip connectable versions for affordable prices.

I'll put on more on the subject, maybe with some more audio files, at least it is easier to experiment with the command line versions of the simulator already, because of the direct feedback of the sounds.

As an impression of the free X simulator for windows running a quite decent X session, and how software development can be made easier a la what I've been used to many years ago:

A few x windows for various purposes, I had three shells set up as make window, edit window and executing the pms simulator window, xedit (quite old, though this one looks neat enough with the autoformatting), and was not dissatisfied making the real time simulator.

I could go to three strings of up to about 200 sections, then the simulator core can't keep up with generating audio data real time anymore, and the audio starts to get grainy and the program stops in error. Two is enough to get a nice impression of the cross coupling over the non-linear feedback, but a not too old machine is needed.

I guess a brand new HP workstation or equivalent can run enough at the same time to do many strings and more effects and then have room to spare for multiple setups and more instruments, but at least the application is demanding enough to make it interesting already from that perspective, and I'm sure there are not many like it around, which makes it fun to make sounds which most probably have never been made before much.

As can be seen from the edit window, I've been looking at the Tcl/Tk sources, which now are compilable completely, so there is quite a point nicking or lets say being inspired by code from it for a more than average user interface even. At the moment getting a simple but effective few routines to do some windows graphics programming is fine, a little string program without the need for tcl/tk or text intefaces makes it easier to get some points accross and generate some exposure with actual software, and of course it is good to have to show for as capability, too, though I guess my preference in that area is not necessarily to do on windows what I've done over decade ago on the Atari ST and on unix/Xwindows again, except when I've no choice, the stakes or gains are high, or just happen to like putting a program out for large enough audience.

I just saw there is a shared interface a la X graphics for all variations of tk as intermediate interface, which might be a good thought, though I guess I have to do some reading and thinking before making a compact enough program with such library and making it work right.

Just to be close to you

Commodores, 1976, I just tried to check, I think I knew the song some years later. Probably not the best song the band made, but most are pretty good music, I guess absolute top, it would be a pleasure as live band I'm certain. Its good to hear such relatively old songs, just like was reminded of another probably quite old recording from 'champion' Jack Dupree: One Scotch, One Bourbon, One Beer, which I had on a selection CD years ago when I was into learning the blues. And I mean hours a day.

What is the holy grail of life, what is there to be close to, and who, of course?

The essence of life for some may be to find some major secrets, or get close with certain ones in certain cirlces (rich ones maybe). Loved ones are an obvious target to in normal life want to be close to at least some of the time. In that sense the Holy Spirit is the lets say religeous equivalent of the concept, whereas God nor Christ are near, and maybe that is the desire of many, too.

A pedofile or child abuser may want to be near their victims, which is probably without question evil and undesirable for normal enough people. Raising the question should not be realy needed, though I understood there are pedofiles who, probably in the shadow of probably graver abuse, claim their sexual/emotional obsession with young people is fine enough.

Would a slave owner want to be near his or her slaves?

I remember from when I was little that it was supposedly a known fact that americans in dutch (european ?) supermarket sort of felt offended by people walking close in their personal space, if that is a correct term. I understand the thought, and am quite sure some people make it their occupation on purpose to do so, probably for various, but never good, purposes.

Just having someone roam around all to close when you're minding your own business bothering no one is bad enough, but of the level of small, though maybe everyday anoyances.

When one has been abused by people who subsequently send little assh* to keep track of the whereabouts of their (former) victims, the line of what is even remotely acceptable is crossed in a major way in my opinion. I'm sure I'm not aware of all the depths of sin, and that there are far worse things I can't even come up with, but still I find such principles so incredibly cowardice, condamnable and low, that when I suspect such is going on I can imagine if I'd be a hell's angel I'd be willing to pick a fight. Or in a war make sure I fire some more instead of less ammunition.

I'm not sure what is effective in all that, and from christian point of few I'd say that the gospels' words are of the extend that certain wars are needed, but when I think how the beast and the engraved handles used in people to keep it active or seemingly alive, I don't like to even imagine what is behind the way people are put in a system based on grave abuse of kinds I even imagine being near to.

It makes me angry, or lets say motivated to go far to change such circumstances, especially for those who have been treated those ways, and could or can get away from it. I've used my time of course to observe what the city I happen to be in is into and what the modi operandi in daily and not to hidden life are about, and it just makes me pissed with the fact such society exists at all for quite some part, I think. It doesn't suck, it stinks so bad one can hardly be normal with people that do have such possibilities, not even when not trying to particularly like life. What a damnation. And misery for quite many, I'm positive.

What sometimes strikes me is the complete senselessness of the whole thing, it is hard to imagine the whole being as it seems without a quite active God having caused it not to become different. And as with the ss and the nazi system, and in certain ways with babylon, the whole is not that powerfull to achieve much, except oppression and misery, which makes it probably partially punishment for leaders in it and those who would have the chance for something better too, otherwise some is hard to explain. I know, the demons and human nature are bad enough, but why would there be such differenes even at the same moment in time for instance between London, Amsterdam, Bern, Prague, Jerusalem, Bagdad and bejing ?

On the personal level I'm not sure I want to chose between generating embittering, pissening, sour responses or awareness and militantness maybe and spiritual seperation and freedom for those who are forced into relations they are only in because of such same systems, families (I know my share about how low they are willing to steep in lets say other areas than the sexual), religeous lies, and other forms of blackmail or oppression.

I've both reading some in another P. Brown historic book about the history of christianity, and listening and parttime watching Jimmi Swaggart realvideo renderings of recent lets call them sermons. I've proposed that it may not be bad idea to show some of such on for instance a video beamer in a salvation army setting. Not necessarily, but certainly it isn't bad to have some more communication going on also here than what is usually or naturally there.

The book is 'The rise of Western Christendom : triumph and diversity, AD 200-1000', and seriously, the subject is serious, I mean this is as in the book deals with the subject in the title at a level which should be excpected for a distinguished enough princeton professor specialized in the subject area.

What would have happened in second world war, for isntance in this city, when you're a hiding away jew for the nazi oppression and the probably whispered about endloeschung's trains to auschwitch and dachau. I am not a hiding away jew, first I'm not hiding away and certainly not in that sense, second I'm not sure I would have counted as a jew enough to make me in trouble. In primary school we read pieces or the whole book of Anne Frank, a dutch school in hiding, who eventually gets betrayed and dies in a camp.

The Brown book is from 1996, which is more recent than my quotes from some pages ago. A few thousand kilometers away there seems to be still war, I guess because evil abounds and isn't subdued to the ones not wanting or capable of being free from it. The without question guilty as hell milosovich *#$ has been put up for trial in my birth city, I saw a cnn report last week. Is that of use? Have that little deathworthy (I'm sure in normal language) nobody sit there in a well enough dressed court room getting treated sort of nice instead of having got shot in the dark pit he helped create. Then again would that help, when so many are still enslaved to so much evil? Or is that jsut me feeling better not seeing pixels on a screen form themselves in images at 25 fps which I don't like to interpret as such kind being alive at all, let alone so much proposterous and as insult sgainst anything any sane person ever wants to be communicated to by.

Luke tells the story of the betrayal of Jesus (which in the end lasted only a few days and ended with Him having defeated death and making the mystery of the church happen and known) adding there had been a statement of Jesus telling his close followers that though he'd told them they shouldn't bring much with them when they were doing His work thus far, they should not bring more, and even a sword, and he was informed there were two swords with them, and He indicated that was enough, and as most know, a sword got used against the ear of the slave of the high priest, which was healed by Jesus, and meant the end of Him allowing the use of such violence in that scene.I'm sure there is more meaning than I understand, otherwise it doesn't make much sense, an ear? What kind of game where they playing? And why did the whole thing happen that way, that is imaginable, but still weard as Jesus remarked himself, He was amoung the same who came to get Him in the dark, after Judas 'betrayed' Him, they could have accused and gotten Him at any time, and why would Judas be needed to simply get rid of Him.

Like a roman emperor, He could have simply be sneakingly killed. Those religeous leaders not doubt hated his guts, and wanted Him out of the way, but probably weren's satisfied with jsut that, and mighty cornered by His public works and appearance, and his clear denial of their authority. The betrayal must have had meaning in both the spiritual as in the proof it was possible, which is hardly a proof since Jesus said it had to happen and indicated who the miserably person who would do it was Himself. But its a game about something vaguer than power, otherwise death is simply the end, and destruction of power positions follow. The principle of Him proclaiming himself the Son of God, and without sin and even forgiving sins must have been involved, and clearly that He had put himself clearly enough above the religeous leaders as a whole, even pretty much annihiliating their position amoung his direct followers must have been involved, and the guilt they and others had must have been motivation not to accept Jesus in effect as when he was riding into Jerusalem and made like a kingly person.

What kind of face is that, and why is it there?

Or this one in this picture:

  Too much attention? (see a cnn clip)

It's not fair, to deny me, of the cross I bear that you're giving me  (in mpeg)

Hopefully without disrupting copyrights, I repeated a poem from Alanis Morissettes' web site :

at some point perhaps we could sit cross legged, facing each other.
(I have not felt this attracted to someone in years)
let's go lie down in your houseboat…
venture in (with god nestled in the green carpet)
say things like "so have you read all these books…."
you will tell me tragic stories and try to fluff them off as though
everyone has members
of their nuclear family die when they're young….
and you will be so curious about how I handled everything with
such dignity
(we'll debate about whether it was dignity or denial)
I will then ask you the same.
and I may never tell you about the dream I had…….
you bought me olivia newton-john posters
and black lights
and I had you all to myself for an hour and I pushed you
up against the wall and kissed you and it was

Trying the ends of pop art here?

No mainly the subject is like yesterdays, is it so that one cannot know better surrounded in life by a system and its frontrunners who want to make clear their damnable ways are the only message. And I think it is important that in babylon and baals atmosphere life as it at least also may exist is not neglegted and that at least for myself and those whom it may concern it is clear that I did not buy the lie and the subway wall is not the only place and way silence can be broken.

Quote from the article in the above on the site:
                      Sound Doctrine And Itching Ears

                      (II TIM. 4:3) "FOR THE TIME WILL COME WHEN THEY
                      THEIR OWN LUSTS SHALL THEY HEAP TO

                      These are ears which are always pricking with an uneasy desire for
                      what would gratify the taste of a carnal, self-willed heart.

                      The time of which Paul spoke, has now come. It is the time of the
                      great apostasy, the great deception. In fact, it is the last great
                      apostasy, that which will lead to the Antichrist. That means we are
                      very, very close to the Rapture of the Church. However, whatever
                      length of time there will be up to that moment, whether months or
                      years, the situation in the Church is going to grow more and more
                      desperate. Most Preachers do not want to preach the Truth, and
                      most Christians do not want to hear the Truth. The Holy Spirit here
                      through Paul, plainly says so! In other words, these are most
                      dangerous times.

                      That’s the reason these Commentaries are so very important. In fact
                      the Lord told me to write these and to direct them moreso to the
                      Laity even than to Preachers. This we have done our best to do.

                      That’s the reason I plead with the general Christian public to secure
                      these Volumes and to read them. Very, very much is at stake here,
                      even the souls of men. Unless the Believer fully knows the Word of
                      God, and fully understands the great Message of the Cross, the
                      chances are, that such an individual is going to find themselves in the
                      ranks of unbelievers. As well, we’re not speaking here of isolated
                      cases, but actually the far greater majority of professing Christians.


                      The phrase, "For the time will come when they will not endure
                      sound Doctrine," presents that written not much short of 2,000
                      years ago, but now coming to pass.

                      The exhortation given by Paul to proclaim the Word is given in view
                      of the coming defection of the Faith once for all delivered to the
                      Saints. The word "endure" means literally, "to hold one’s self
                      upright or firm against a person or thing" (Wuest).

                      "Sound" in the Greek is "hugiaino," and means "healthy,

                      The word "Doctrine" which means "teaching," is preceded by the
                      definite article in the Greek, which means it is a particular Doctrine,
                      and in this case, the very plan of Redemption as taught and preached
                      by Paul. In other words, it is the New Covenant which rests upon
                      the Cross of Christ as its sure foundation.

                      Even though my words will not presently be believed by many, the
                      Truth is, despite the material wealth of the Church and its bloated
                      numbers, spiritually speaking, the Church is in worse condition than
                      it has been in the last 100 years or more.

                      Almost all of the Church has rejected the leading and guidance of the
                      Holy Spirit in one way or the other. Of course, there are exceptions,
                      but not many.

                      About half the Church world has completely rejected the Holy
                      Spirit, and by that I refer to the Baptism with the Holy Spirit, with
                      the evidence of speaking with other Tongues (Acts 2:4).
                      Consequently, there is no moving or operation of the Spirit in these
                      particular Churches whatsoever, which means, that everything that is
                      done, is born of man, instituted by man, and directed by man.
                      Therefore, even though there might be much religious machinery,
                      there is little or nothing actually done for the Lord.

                      Concerning the religious Denominations which claim to be
                      Pentecostal, in other words they claim the Acts 2:4 experience, most
                      of these anymore are no more than shells of what they once were. In
                      fact, in the Assemblies of God and the Church of God, the two
                      largest Pentecostal Denominations, only about a third of the people
                      in these respective Churches even claim to be Baptized with the
                      Holy Spirit. In fact, these particular Denominations, along with
                      several others in the same so-called Pentecostal category have
                      almost altogether apostatized, having rejected the Cross of Christ in
                      favor of humanistic psychology. To be frank, the psychology is not
                      the real problem, only a symptom. The real problem is the forsaking
                      of the Cross of Christ as the answer to the ills of humanity. In other
                      words, it is rank unbelief (Jn. 16:9-11).

                      This doesn’t mean that there aren’t some Godly Preachers and
                      Godly Laity in these particular Denominations, for there definitely
                      are; however, it does mean that the direction these Denominations
                      are traveling is more and more toward apostasy.

                      Concerning the Charismatic part of the Church world, a great part of
                      it is made up of the so-called Faith Churches, with many of them
                      openly repudiating the Cross. In fact, the "greed gospel" has
                      become the primary message in those circles, which is so blatantly
                      false that only the spiritually blind would not be cognizant of this
                      obvious fact.

                      Once again, I do not want to leave the impression that there are no
                      Godly Churches or Preachers, for there definitely are such;
                      however, that number is small and probably getting less all the time.