Theo Verelst Diary Page

Latest: 25 december 2000

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes familiy, christianity, and othercheats. The simple reason is that it may well by that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of mymaterials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.

Previous Diary Entries

Dec 25, 2000

Probably this is just a writing day. Not that I didn't do other things I'll describe, but I'm not sure I'll make it to some kind of activity, though maybe I'll go and see some performance plus multimedia stuff, and maybe some people (maybe one) I knew some time ago, but I don't think so today.

The following is a soft science fiction story around some of the subjects I percieve as relevant. It's some time ago I wrote fiction proze at all, the intend being to make some concepts clearer than I think I can in direct words, and because I found it interesting and fun to try some daring enough ideas.

Any correspondence with real life persons and environments is not coincidental but obviously in general terms only, and if not specific, not intended specific, and if clearly ideas are projected and its carriers permuted, it is not intended as a truthfull correspondence, or as that a certain inversion of such permutation exists as intention.

Big mamma

It was in those days that in progressive circles and circuits shared addressing others became hard, and hurricanes started around any solid subject. It was seen as an opportunistic ideal to make the winds of social life force the centres of hurricanes into patterns not even the strongest natural organisations westerners like to be seen in would hide as harmless passtimes, preferably after establishing what the storm is about. The centers were needed. Desperately needed. And all that could lead with some daylight present were needed in them to counter the destructiveness easily discerned in the civilized world. A destructiveness that presented itself more and more profoundly as natural desasters and economical considerations didn't make way for clearness of mind about the lacking self preservation capacities of a world that had never learned to be one against a common enemy that doesn't plot against it, but simply presents itself aplomb yet slowly, and certainly doesn't speak any spiritual language uncovered or known in Babylons cradles and tombs, and everything in between. Life as we know it must have started in better ways.
Dishwashers could be accompanied by food composers. Neat and slick designs, even some attempts at classical machines were around. In go the raw ingredients, out come the damping and tasty meals, the waste seperated, the cleaning efficient, the freezer included. Many dreaded desiring them, until the threshold of acceptance had been exceeded, at one point even broken away by campains of enthousiasts sharing their experience, and after a while it had become clear why the early adopters had been right after all: the food was better, cheaper, the waste better disposed of, and the idea of making ones' own food had gained popularity instead of become degraded.

It wasn't a good example. In the end the lesson did not get learned about the deseases that killed the Romans, the Greek, and to some extend the catholics and alies alike: mankind by itself isn't up to the job of taking care of itself. Not that much resistance against the principle is found, but when all things together become tight, the hidden and not so hidden evil is not put aside enough. The drama wasn't pregnant enough, until the days for some became too pressing and some luckily didn't fall for the lies of what in a time not too far past would have been called propaganda, and it was. And just as in those days, the negative charge of the expression made it needed to be taken as incentive to find a better way.

We'll focus on a relatively small community where associations can be made with familiar characters from other times. Lets use the names that are associated with them, and make it clear why it is that even though mankind knows a lot, the winds and the sailors are needed to make happen what is needed, besides a God that refuses to make himself unholy in the process. In spite of warped associations, we'll call one All. It was in a time where a lot was known also that the movies made one known (Pacino) that will act as reference for the one presented here. Picture the world as lets say incapable of enough normal humanness, maybe like Laurel and Hardy in earlier years, but than in the more personal interactions. He had a son. Lets him the Fonz.

Another ordinary working day. The company is one where monitoring is led another day by a president that cannot be taken for a pioneer. They meet, those presidents. Earlier terms were captains of industry, later terms are acronyms. They meet, and they generate, lets say, wind. Not lots of it, but wind it is. Social wind. Economical wind. Wind.

"Who is in charge here?"

No replies were recorded. Some shuffling of chairs, some muffled comments, one raised finger:

Crackling voice "Yes ?"

"Why is it, that we are supposed to be in charge? We didn't exactly sign up for this. We were not the ones with the ideas, we didn't call up eachother 'lets meet', we didn't make space in our agenda, we didn't even like the idea!"


Pacing down one of the isles: "Who was that?"

Standing up, a bit longer than average, well fed, not trained though physically sound, maybe 45, undetermined face, no special characteristics, unmistakingly boss of many, no attitude, no special authority, but still, unmistakingly taken serious in his business:

"I though I would brake open the whole problem straight away. We don't feel forced, but we are not going to meet this way and actually like the idea."

"Thats right. Lets take it from the top. No special treatment. No priviledges, right?

Lets say that I too don't FEEL like it. I'm not on a mission. I didn't go to university for this. Hell, I didn't even find it good enough as come-on line to do this. No one seems to like it. It is not popular, it isn't fashionable, it sure isn't profitable, it's just needed. It's plain needed.

So can we drop the idea that you're doing ME a service? please. Can we focus on the main target most agreed on, and forget the idea of a circuit we've outgrown long ago."

An all to little whispered word was heared that sort of summed that up.




Now lets say that the athmosphere is one of pressure. Many had tried. First, the ozone layer. Second: city smog. No results. The only ones that did have results didn't want to focus on the real issues: there were those who didn't want a solution, and who claimed that it was better to all go to hell. Not too openly, but still. It had to be taken into account that there were not a few that needed to be put aside, and the pressure was starting to get to some circles, and this was one of them. Too intelligent to be taken by the thoughts of such persons, that needed the misery in a system to built themselves little empires of destruction, making their subjects ignorant or oppressed into stupid subjection to insane thoughts, almost of openly religious nature. Too wealthy not to have actual space to worry about issues not directly concerning their private needs, and too stubborn to give in to the next fashion in circuitland: apatism, 'follow the leader'-ism of a brand new kind, where all in the end comes together just fine. No invisible hand, no traditional God, but some very special ones that make all happen as it should. Yeah, right.

The audience was even up to the challenge of understanding their own problems with the world, and wouldn't be too easily luered into a social standing where they'd be messed with, but the pressure was starting to get to some of them. The traffic smog and the ones building their little evil empires with all means they could get their hands on were starting to make em uncomfortable. And this time, there was not much turning back without some people making sense and making a stand for the changes they see needed.

"Ok, lets say I'm not your kind. I'm not edified in your system, I don't even know the clubs you're in"

Some laughter was consciously not suppressed. They didn't do clubs. Clubs didn't work that well in these circuits, not many dared to take the place of making one work. It wasn't self pity or cynicism, it was matter of fact.

"Did I use a dirty word?"

A few dared to speak up. They explained it wasn't so much funny, but they'd take too much effort making a kind of club work that wouldn't be taken into scrutiny by the various systems claiming the need for all kinds of unclear rules, that clearly were destructive. Not like the depression, they were smarter than that, they had motivations that weren't so easy to expose, too.

"Then who the hell is running this place?"

Some fingers, and the first person slightly irritated,

"We are"

pointing at some of his colleages.

"Then what the hell is the problem with you?"

In a normal world, this was provocative enough to get get people on their feet. Sadly, it didn't work.

"WE would, but we cannot say we have a company athmosphere were we can discuss the matter at hand without feeling powerless. Every day, we've talked, and discussed how we would organize ourselves, and find no problem deciding on the solutions we want, but we see no one, realy, no-one that is capable of bringing forward what we would want. Some have tried to be effective in reports. We read them, agree, decide on action, and in the end an other problem creeps in our company and we're not sticking with our plan. It seems hopeless."

They discuss the results of a lets say artificial circuits' plan to come up with enough political and economical relevance to force the changes needed to make some more changes that would disallow for once and for all the major sources of pollution, the major threats in the system that didn't cooperate on getting oil consumption down to a fraction, and make it all work at least enough to survive without gas masks and oxygen tanks.



No frowned eyebrows, no laughter, they were used to it. General discomfort is more the way to describe the response. The applause of some of the female presence wasn't the reason, the lack of understanding was.

"What's the best beer in the house ?!"

Apart from some obvious responses, the wrong question. One asks for the road, maybe. Wether some knowledgeable person might suggest someone a beer brand, fine, but not the best one, and not as if that was supposed to be common enough a question and knowledge. No sir.

"Are you from New York?"

This meant something like: we have our own System here. And that is capital S. And they found a way to hide the leaders so cunningly, that no brawl would resolve the power relations. The New York phrase would indicate a far and alien and thus undesirable idea. Nothing a Real Person Impersonator would steep low (read dare) to associate with, concept-wise. A RPI was a term invented later on, when the system had been under increasing scrutiny of the kind of people we've met before.

Snappy (quick that is), with attitude:

"Who'se talking to me !?"

Silence. They learned not to provoke. Most were not allowed to make the RPI's look like they actually didn't always in the end lead the world. Well, the small world, in this case.

The obvious newcomer swiftly turns to a few sides, gets no clear response, and decides the way is clear to the bar, were he repeats the question.

"What's the BEST beer in the house, Huh?"

Silence all over. In the old days, movies would depict the ongoings easy enough. Major muscles and fat rasing up from their leather seats. Semi irritatedness combined with challenging attitudes, neck with or without certain color associations; "I think you didn't get it right, boy. ...", sort of thing.

This silence was worse. A taboo could be broken, than the result is clumsiness, unease, fear, shame. This was more intense. This was the night were most people that mattered somehow were together, and the semi real persons were slowly and sneakingly going for the positions with influence and power, just sleazy enough to stand out, not clear enough to be exposed. The bartender had to give in.

"We don't have a best beer, sir. Just variations."

That did it.

"ONLY VARIATIONS ?" In a patronizing ooh ooh voice,

"When did your mommy teach to be so nice to the beers, huhh?"

Leaving the face of the tender, turning to the surrounding, neat and organized, deliberately unpresent, and therefore of course penetratingly annoying incrowd,

"What's the matter with you?! I'm just asking about beers, not the underwearsize of your mother !"

To beyond question get the scene out of successfully greying this Undesired Person out of their Wonderfull Picture, a heart felt and enchanting low pitched exclamation was sufficient

"come on !"

With a long nnn. The next target was the seemingly loozer type next to the empty bar seat.

"YOU tell me! What does a person drink in this place when they want a real good beer, hu !"

"Maybe a guiness"

"Then give her one of those, and me too"

They hadn't noticed the Girlfriend still standing in the door opening. Spelled with capital, because it wasn't fashionable. These things had to be casual, and in case of a RPI it was a unexplicable mystery. Rules abounded, and no normal person would understand them, but a Person, with a Girlfriend, and that in the open, and maybe even as person who has a Person place, no.

Of course, fashion changes, and various scenarios had been popular. The main point being that, as all know, the women that get places, or just in general are given place, will have power. And power was a relative thing in these days. The Real Person Impersonator was invented for similar reasons, real power was maybe not scarce, but it was so revealing, and so few would survive the tests. It wasn't that there was no place to lie and cheat left, but the openness and information age had made it hard to hide too much, and public opinion didn't realy allow it for someone to realy have power and not be on display quite a bit. The combination was hard. Too hard for most, and the result was people fell for the 'ideas' and 'directions' of some as explained before. The hidden things must bring it all together, or the end of much life was almost inevitable.

Only a few survived the circuits that saw ample opportunity to claim they would save the world in the end, or at least be very special part of the whole that would. Few.

The girlfriend had not been noticed for the same reason the company still struggling together for their future existence didn't understand what they were dealing with.

They had grown up with ideals that were not much more than being led along unremarkable, unexiting, wealthy enough paths, not to comment or think too much not to forget that this way of life was not to be broken because otherwise the Trouble and Disorder would be theoretically maybe even too hard to handle, and that there were no Few that would have something profound to say maybe, or have something to testify to, or who simply didn't need to put themselves to sleep.

And that comforted them, and because the world's trouble was only of a slowly increasing threat, and not too much trouble otherwise for the most of them, it didn't make sense to undergo or do the efforts of making non-RPI's. It simply didn't occur to the ones that may have the desires to exist in a more profound ways, to make themselves more then simple enough people, in a wrong sense of the word, and mostly they too wouldn't realize what the dangers are of giving so much space for so much fuzziness. And of course recent enough history gave the people without a purpose good enough reason to agree with those who didn't want that much.

The new circuits wouldn't have made it. Not without the environmental threats, no, without the unexpected clashes that continued to happen, inspired by many of adverse spiritual lives. They forgot why the ones before them, too, couldn't hold the world together under their claims of continuing leading behaviour and promises. Man is simply not made that way. Disagreements grow when they are not realy taken away. Greed lurges at the door of those who are subjected and deprived of what is realy needed, or simply of those who have projected their real, human needs, for the Things that Matter.

Even real love has to be mentioned. Real Hate. Real affection. Real social relations. Real Freedom. And even real authority, real power.

The foodmachine seemed simple: invest, advertize, convince, produce, and sell. Nope. They had to be 'adopted'. People needed to make clear that it was for a reason that they can produce far greater and healtier variation and quality. And they had to fight the rich who did know, and lost their advantage, and than it took time to test it was worth while actually being better of, food wise.

That battle had been won, and maybe it even made the polution less effective to get to peoples health. At least the common sense idea wasn't destroyed, and many branches of industry sprouted out and became healthy enough, with people that understood at least one ideal had been worth it.

Our selected Persons didn't need this. They were selected, not so much for being a special person in its own right, not so much for general reasons, they were focussed on because they were sucessfull in ways that would be clear. Television, in all its variation, in the end decided they had to be into this. Many had not forgotten that profitability in certain ways was essential, also in what were called 'guided channels'. The number of these types of information channels had become far less than anticipated. The press, ordinary television stations, internet pioneers, private network programs, in the end consumers didn't let it come together, and there was way too much to unify. Until some had realized that at least it still was important to fight the idea of complete global villagification. That even though the great and not taboo but covered to death issue of pollution and end of our oil resources had not much appeal on a major scale anymore, it was still worth covering nation and worldwide issues.

And so a few 'guided channels' featured information, 3d fragments, and even full shows that were global in nature, and that had survived public opinions scrutiny on a large scale. One of the them obviously religeous, a few others, of quite different explicit opinion, of unclear signature, though some would recognize them as later implementations of ancient media ideas. The idea of collective attention wasn't abandoned by these channels, but was considered dangerous by many when applied on a large scale.

In the end special attention was given to a limited number of people, after the special house coverages and other fashions had worn off. They were not into the idea, generally, it was sort of the paparazzi, but different, this was not 'sneaky', but just in the open, it was to get ratings, to serve adverse purposes of some, and genuine ones of others, and it was generally ugly. A few that were subjected to loger term attention didn't live in the 'normal world'. They weren't outsiders, but they didn't know about the type of media (in all its new forms) that covered them, and they tried not to care. Usually, illegalness of some kind was defeated by technical means by the ones making the material in houses and closed circuits, and insane legal measures and counter measures surrounded this whole circus as long as it lasted. The ones with enough money behind them or at stake (also a new game that was invented) usually lasted long. And their 'victims' couldn't even express clear enough why they didn't enjoy the priviledge of such a space for personhood and being well known, because in spite of the general thinking that it was nice to live a inconspicuous enough life without much meaning except in some unknown ways, claimed by various destructive groups, the attention, freedom, and money potential were still envied.

The whole thing didn't work enough for even baser and uglier reasons: it is possible to like everyone enough when all goes well, and for some time, but some of the non-RPI's had started to dislike eachother, and the global channels had found out that was news, and of global interest. They had almost unsearchable motivations, though for normal persons their primary motivations were clear enough, they had envy, greed, and sometimes simple a dislike for lies and hypocracy as urges that they didn't feel like suppressing. Not even a normal CNN interview would work in all this, no information would be detectible of any news value.

The others were the ones that would try to think and who decided that the world would not come to a full stop with them still alive. Some were not doing it on purpose, they were how they were for unknown reasos, others engineered themselves into being effective, and inthe end found ways to achieve what hardly anyone tried: actual effect on their surroundings in a consistent way. Not that that was new, but new kinds of alienation had found their place after a long time of abuse of public trust, general failure of the collective, and wire-wise united world to keep themselves together in the face of the problems they faced, and after all too many that had claimed that as a response it should all be given over to the hidden forces they of course would best predict, master, or follow.

We engulf-zap back to the meeting as if we too know how such holographic machines work, and why it it better to pick this non-virtual community and peek in its environment, than a random other.

As in the The Godfather

"Then why the FUCK are we doing this, huh?"

"Jeez, I don't know daaddd (low voice) I was going just fine, straight as an arrow, than YOU call me up and I suddenly stuck with THIS"

gestures with hands lifting up "But I asked you why the FUCK we are DOIN' this"

"Yieah Yeah Yeah"

hands outstreched as if to make a stop sign "Ok. But one, ONE hour. Then I'm outof here.

One hour."

"But I asked you a fucking question: WHY are we doing this."

semi comical, soft enough voice, turned away

"I guess its the faahhmily name.."

Shouting decidated



The first speaker found comfortable enough space in the earlier conversation, so is willing to dare a little contribution:

"Maybe, if I may fill this in, it is possible to make this work if we look at the broader picture here.."

piercing eyes and completely motionless head are the result, complemented by an unchanged turning of the back with attidude, though the remark sounds just as cynical as it was made, "Yeah lets ask this dude".

"What broader picture?"

"The duuhhde here MEANS, it isn't possible anymore, Mr A. It just isn't possible. They don't get it."

(short and with power:) "BULLSHIT.

Complete, total BULLSHIT.

(childish imitation:) this isn't possible anymore, mr A., it isn't possible.

FUCK that."

"Yeah right. You try it. These dudes don't even get it.

YOU get it. (Long and pronounced:) Iiii get it, but they don't."

Muffled laughter.

hands lowered, stretched a bit "See!?"

The first speaker obviously not so comfortable, tries to find the right angle, which doesn't exist. The speaker wouldn't buy his place, the invited example didn't fit any profile that would have been acceptable, and the whole meeting is getting where such meetings had never been. They knew about the rules of the game, they knew about all possibilities, they thought. But in the end they didn't GET it? What didn't they get? Was the meeting not for simple reasons, wasn't it obvious what the problems were, and why solutions were so hard.

The bar scene had been rudely interupted. Cellulars, satelitars had become more friendly, pleasant even, and obviously, of greater capabilities. Some bore with the thought of using them to their full potential, that was that they had become technically advanced, and quite equiped with extra options, of which the megatalk option was one. When installed, it was like having a small PA system in a watch. Realy, these things were something, a short term plasma modulator gave them amazing sound quality and volume, enough to realy let selected callers get through when needed. And in this case the caller was merciless, because it seemed needed.

Not for particularly clear reasons, but as many now, and then even worse, those sometimes are the strongest of them all. So the thing had gone of. And not at convenient time. No sir. The girlfriend FINALLY had been invited in properly, and after a lot more talking, acting and persuasiveness, been actually OFFERED a place, and ASKED to take it by some not too innocent bystanders, who after some incentives had understood that there was a great lonely OUTSIDE the bar were some might not be so CIVIL anymore, "Just because I happen to LIKE her motherfUCker", and had understood it might give them some personal gain to play along with the new rules.

One of them had taken the new found position all to much as a place without responsibility, and actually challenged the reason, why the woman should be liked, and wether such a thing with such high profile wouldn't in the end be a danger to society in general and THE bar specifically. In words "I don't like this man". The party wasn't dignified with a "Realy", but with a directer "And who are you my friend", including the collar grasp.

As predictable, that was roughly the time the communicating watch started to get all too loud. If the callee would "PLEASE" get their money padded BUT in action or some REAL trouble might occur. "Well FIRST the money padded will be taken back or we don't as much as talk".

Anyhow it seemed to be important the meeting was enhanced with the physical presence of an example, and the example was against such an idea, in general words, the parents don't call the sons up to etcera etcetera.. Then the idea had to be presented. Why was it that many in the meeting had to get all this explained? What had gone so wrong that the concept of lets say confilicting interests itself had to be brought back to family relations to be understood? Why was it that the first speaker and the other indeed hadn't understood what was going on and that it is worth it to make acting of certain kinds real enough to be convincing.

The meeting had changed, the loyal workers had decided they wouldn't go against the idea, but didn't know why they were so challenged in the area they knew was historically so dangerous.

"Now lets say this one here (treatment as in a barber chair), has something against me, ehh..

And I hate his guts, but know he's right, now WHAT do I do ?"

The suggestions were multifold, and each one of them effective, and would make many contemporary office persons envious for their inventiveness.

Sitting now, in a nice enough, serious, but clearly not satisfied voice "I told you they don't get it"

Completely ignoring that: "But then who are YOU in al this"

Only one dared to show some understanding:

"We would be a part of problem, not of the solution, unless we'd ackowledge that one as a serious threat"

Completely ignoring that too, loud enough but decidated "But what the FUCK have we been doing here?"

There a book still known in that time that examplified a similar principle, not generally missed, though not always regarded, where the end result is not good. Here, things don't get that far, or, there are other principles at stake. It is about the understanding of the problems surrounding trust, and, unlike in the bible, there are pragmatical issues at stake.

Lets see what the meeting was about, if we can figure it out. It seems some have knowledge that is hidden, or not easy enough to explain. And the participants of the meeting appearently didn't learn the lesson, and probably didn't even set out to deal with the problems it addresses.

"Now suppose I was going to invite you over to MY place. I would make sure you're wel fed, and all that stuff, you now: nice.

My wife, may she rest in peace, would be there, you'd look at my paintings, we'd talk a bit, about this and that, and than you would tell me to my face: actually, you know, I don't LIKE you much. Huh!

Now what would THAT do? "

Silence. That wasn't about insecurity yet, but is was causing turbulance. The idea had been tried. As in making clear that a person must maybe not be given over to some social rite of sacrifice, but at least be allowed the real personhood of being mistreated, and then even in public. How unfitting. The unease was because of the concept.

"We wouldn't like the person that said that !"

"But suppose in all honesty that person dislikes me. I'm not his kind, he is maybe threatened by my presence, it could be I'm against everything he stands for, he simply hates my guts. Now what ?!"

They started to understand. No one answered anymore, they had fought these things with success, and would feel at unease if society would give place to resentment of certain types of people as clear indication again. Their thinking wasn't up to it anymore.

It remained silent for maybe half a long minute. They weren't breaking a taboo, it just started to hit them. None of them knew how to put their thoughts in accurate words, none of them except one. The learning atmosphere and the almost reverent silence was rudely interupted.

"Are we finished?"

"NO. And you will sit tight and SHUT UP until I an done. Capice?"

acting indignified and 'I'm to good for this' "I thought we had just finished"

"Now I'm going to explain it once. And only once. And no one leaves this place until we've properly dealt with the subject.

There are people I don't like. There are people that don't like Me. There are people that shouldn't be liked.

I may not be liked by people, that's their business, but I will not be told in my own house, after having been NICE, that someone doesn't like me.

Now why does that happen anyway, mmh? Isn't it obvious enough: suppose that person would have not told me, and not let me know that in my own environment, than what?"

"You should tell em why there here. Maybe it will (in funny tone) enlighten them.."

"They do not need MY charming personality, nor my incredible knowledge, nor YOUR obvious muttering"

The meeting ended in what seemed a draw. The collegues decided theyd not use the words, but try to stick with new understanding, though it was hard to put in explicit language, and the next time they met, things were different. They decided to split up according to opinion about the first problem: how to present themselves as company interest group to the world, when communicating about their genuine concern.

The main group would have made no statements whatsoever that included unatainable goals, at least for their limited influence, but two or three other groups decided they'd try to take the lesson into account, and not fall for the claims of the opinionated Real Person Impersonators that seemed such a good bet to make all things run well in the end.