I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.
Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...
And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong
that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure
I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement
on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect
the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a
thing. Lying, imagine that.
The DIARY PAGE 35 of some pages back problem has been solved
I've written to much science, the last decades of my life, maybe. Pages and pages of technical, scientific ramblings, thoughts, proposals, reports, manuals, articles, setups.
Not because I want to waste my time, in fact I did quite some work-type of 'chores', not out of burning ambition either, I though I would do some writing, as practice, maybe. To formulate thoughts, not realy, but certainly because I'm sure writing and reading are important. The expression could be hell its even biblical. Phrases even. Ever try the New Orleans Realplayer internet audio channel? 'What it was...', 'what it is...' Simple language, maybe in an accent I wouldn't know, but with the persistence of a catchy enough tune thats bearably sticking in sound memory, I'm sure it does more than talk the songs together or apart.
No one to talk to, Verelst? Not realy, factually untrue even. In fact many of my subjects lend themselves for writing, and already for a long time I've been unsatisfied with life in the dutch surroundings. I could state it nice at the time that I developed the idea I wouldn't want to lastingly force myself to fit, by making clear that I'm top level qualified in a country with percentage wise a small population, as compared to the rest of the world.
I can afford completely to state that my desire to go abroad (interesting word) has no roots at all in my current unpleasant circumstances, and that I must certainly not first get out of my crazy idea that I'm through with holland because I've not learned what wonderfull life I have not yet understood about. When decided and made very repeatedly publicly clear I wanted at serious cost to go preferably to west US, I had the house, the job, the wheels, enough money, vacation, friends, hobbies, bands, girlfriends of various kinds, and certainly enough lets say space for ambition and status. Even satisfaction about my professional achievements enough, though seriously hampered by the environment.
So it's not strange I seek other things too, that are not at hand in my short range surroundings, even though I'm sure there are parties that, evidently against decades of proof, would still like me out of the way in ways that make it seem I can't even take proper care of myself. I can, but I'm not willing to do the incredible effort of learning to lie about the persuit of my personal happyness and the evident essential factors in achieving the important things in life.
I'm not sure about the exact spiritual reasons in my christian sense, but I'm sure I'm also in a system where sacrifices to a countries' or clans' semi gods are sort of obligatory before the antichrist can properly be prepared for in the rest of my life, or the selling of my self in the name of some major whore system is complete enough to convine the fucking goddamned childabuser gangs they are certain enough of their position over my head to make the numbers of my life add up to their money and power game. I'm not sure of the translation of the dutch expression gore kindermisbruiker, but it means something of such utter contempt that at least the obvious opinion of any normal person about such a despicable and death worthy subject is somewhat expressed.
Or maybe I wasn't all to specifically informed or aware of the traintracks in certain parts of society that spiritually and lifewise are to be praised and accepted to make me or another enough of a sacrifical scapegoat on the way to metaphorical Auschwitch. Deleberate strong language, not meant to offent victims or their relatives of the physical event. That in the end was one of the things nazism, that is by some even openly preached, was about: I'm not just seeing ghost of the previous milleniums books.
And all that is a MAJOR reason for the persuit of my happyness to include VERY strong motivations to be against principles, their implementation, certain people and their existence, and the idea that all such evil would be accepted , worse even be semi respected, just so that I in myself at least with personal reason hate it or some other warped sanity undermining state of mind.
That means that it was simply emotionally already years ago that I wanted another environment, and that my major efforts of wanting not to be a certain way at major personal expense are completely essential to my idea of continuing being able to look at myself in the mirror, and not some undefined stubborness and rejection of (illegitimate) family and motherfucking 'christian' systems' self acclaimed lawsuperceding authority and reversed and corruption based, buyable righteousness.
I've quite liked and still like to read certain pages and more myself, which is communicationwise not nothing if they are about real enough persons or their surroundings. I've for some time even done telephone work that would only put in touch with the other parties over voice, and not even of high quality, in comparison with webcams and the latest audio stuff that are quite more effective, a web site and its capabilities is quite strong a method to have a lot of relevant communication in a convenient way.
I was quite a reader at school. A thumb thick book a day, no prob, my under the blanket reading with fading flashlight batteries maybe cost me part of my eyesight sharpness. I would read all the time, probably every day, when I was in primary school Eagleseye, old shatterhand, other adventure books, robinson crusoe, some readers digest, all Jules Verne (also in english, as some of the others too, I found that a challenge) all kinds of electronics, computer and audio books, musical books, also about instruments, about planes, physics, lots of electronical circuit books, and pretty soon I started reading all kinds of science fiction books, youth and adult. Asimov, even Vance, altough that bored me at some point (those endless planet color descriptions meant nothing to me), and all other, I think of two libraries I cover a significant portion of the SF books halfway highschool. Some detectives and other books I liked, too. Ironically, I forgot quite some of the sf books, I must have read quite many dozens of them, but I remember few. I think I liked the atmosphere of another, technology filled maybe, world, and the free-er world picture with room for the writers and the readers imagination.
I'm positively sure that all electronics and digital circuit books from at least two public libraries have passed my borrowers list from that time at least once or twice (depending on how fast I'd be over their subjects). That's easily one or two shelves of a meter or so of electronics books, and I read every page, except for subjects that I'd know about already. Luckily, they had some quite interesting books there: the digital circuit book I didn't find back recently, books on microprocessors, for those days a quite new subject, audio books, remote control do it yourself (for models) books, high frequency and various theory books.
Just for the record: I always had a 'social' life, too. I always had various friends (lets see, peter 1, peter 2, peter 3, eric, harm, johan, mariska, rob, linda, edwin 1, edwin 2, jille, albert, janneke, jackeline, marion, onno, wim, leo, freek, arthur) to play with, and I think rarely a week would pass in which someone or more wouldn't come over to my place or vice versa. 'Even' girlfriends, at times. I'd play socker outside on the street and schoolyard too, and be in the swimming pool, beach, macdonalds, cinema and such with some. This just to prevent the wrong image, with all the insaneness and accusations I've been near and that have been tried on me, it seems to the point at least, and this holds for lets say most of primary and highschool, all the time, not counting family, and for a decade easily.
Check the class pupil lists and the names, and ask em. For years in highschool I would be in a sailing camp with others, and I'd do some school sport clubs, too. The last half of highschool I (mostly officially appointed/chosen, except when my examination year didn't permit it officially) was the coordinator of the technical committee, after being a member the first years, to provide sound and light services (even smoke at some point) for various school activities with a team of varying number. Of course in university I had a few bible school friends, some still from highschool, made a few new friends soon enough, and also soon enough became student assistent, dealing with 5 students per day, and the other assistents, of which some friends at some point, a bit later I learned to know various network theory section members, let a social life in the student house I lived in, became active musician in various scenes and constellations, including a few bands, and a few of my own.
Having said that, I think to get it of my chest, mainly to prevent possible misconceptions around my alledged social skills, needs, and background, I would quite like to read, some music on in daytime, I must have played to abba tapes thousands of times, just like others, and read about lots of electronics, computers and musical subjects, I think without exageration that only later I became aware of it in university that my electronics and definately my computer circuit knowledge I already built up in highschool was the major part of my practically usefull knowledge. What I needed was the theory, hard core mathematics, which I assure you is hardcore in electrical engineering, the stories I heard were accurate enough: three quarters of the first year strict mathematics, and I learned them all, no tricks, and within the shortes possible time, with quite acceptable (varied) grades, after having not passed more than a quarter of the exams the first half of the academic year.
Anyhow I read a lot, later on I read other things, but from the time I could walk to the library through highschool I'd usually have a pile of books just fitting in bag about all the time, refresh em every three weeks, and read them. I liked magazines, too, mainly scientically oriented, radio bulletin, electuur, some others. At some point I decided to give up SF, I think at the time I thought it unapropriate, it could also have been because I lost interest because I read the better ones. I do remember that the story, the people, the romance in them was important, not just the techno stuff, though I wouldn't have imagined a knowledgeable person that wouldn't know about doing the speed of light, particle catching (for fuel) minimal space craft speeds and such.
Only much later I did some contemporary literature reading of my free will,(the quincunx, the secret history, Obsession (?), the bonfire of vanities, The colour purple, some Allende, oranges are not the only fruits, a few dutch writers, Unended Quest (about Popper), some other philosopher based books, kinderen houden niet van krokodillen (about child abuse).
The following was written after feeling promped to try writing about the subject, and is just a chapter of what maybe could be a short story if I take time to finish it.
In general they managed to get along well enough. Mainly, Alice would start the deals needed to have some fun. Ben would be the well known held back one. Not that it it mattered, thats the way it was at first. When Alice would make clear system was going to notice they were there, everyone would notice the scene, usually. She wouldn't lie. That was the deal, no lying, no cheating. But apart from that, no one would tell her apart from either unemployed general bum with a mouth or edified bitch with a fit to be nice. Those were the main parameters, and she had a almost devious desire to make unknowledgeable persons gues at least half the evening. Not by actually coming on to men, just as social game. All that knew her would try to be in the game she played, there wasn't much more fun around, and she wouldn't disappoint.
Ben wasn't fun enough. Basically, she had ended up with him because he was the only one she trusted enough. Not that that made it love, that was not much part of the deal. Liking, yes. Attraction: she was, Ben would do. Fittingness: in an illegal way. She was clearly not in place and hated the attention where she would be in the spot of being tested and taken by persons no scruples and the attitude that would play with her without a point.
Her games were fun. No subject except some real nazis would feel rejected as little boy or offended by having their father/fuehrer substitutes challenged by a capable enough normal woman, after they spent time with her. His life wasn't interesting in her eyes, it was about the trust he wouldn't give up, and who knows what they could share when they were alone together, though most wouldn't think Alice would want to consider marriage. Ben wouldn't make no 'nudiebar' remarks, not necessarily because he'd not be into Bundy's doctrine, but he wouldn't have the sense of humor.
Sadly, she had an off day. This evening had been spoiled by a combination of the wrong band, friends being absent, the unpleasant expectations for the annoying meeting tomorrow, and the factor not to be searched by all to prying friends. Most wouldn't, but some she wasn't comfortable with. 'Hey, your life isn't perfect' is doable. But at 37, it started to become harder to laugh away remarks about her unmarried live combined with her obvious attractiveness, capabilities and naturalness to be with one person for a longer time.
Downright condescending were the remarks about her obvious lack of personal competition in her direct environment. As if she couldn't be with what most would consider lesser persons most of the time without losing it herself. But the hurt started tonigh again when the whole picture of her life was challenged by someone evidently unaware of her weaknesses and hidden unease. She knew she was upholding most of the people of her environment, making them feel good enough about themselves and their lives, being a center point and nice person.
It shouldn't have happened. The question put forward was simply over the line. Ben tries, but fails to take over the scene and save whats left of the kindly presented semi illusion of being interested in a person obviously up to at least comparing with her intellectual capabilities. The interest shouldn't have been taken for easy enough to offend.
I didn't ask you to personal a question, I hope?
No no, thats fine.
Was it Ben or that person that made her feel good tonight, in short that was the issue.
I think it is time to go. Lets meet next week.
No, I'll answer the question, I didn't want to go elsewhere because I felt at home enough. People are nice enough, my job is good enough, and normally, I can find enough challenge and fun as I am. I was a bit surprised you though I was unhappy.
All the way home few words were spoken, many thought. She held together, and Ben would have his usual attitude. Now what was he going to be like? She obviousbly didn't need to make him the primary person enough now as a challenge or at least comfortable game. Maybe she even disliked him out of some deeply hidden lack of respect. Maybe it was realy just that indeed the truth was she wasn't satisfied, and awoken all to rudely out of her dream of own fabricate.
I did a waveform display, additive synthesis and digital filter simulator program, including a DMA channel driver to directly load data in my microprocessor synthesizer system.
I created a seemingly measely 5 kilobytes of a .COM file that does all the above with crude but colorfull graphical interface under mouse control, in 320x200 256 color VGA or so mode.
A screendump would be nice, and some samples definately worthwhile listening to, I'll see what wav files I can convert in some time, the screendump isn't easy enough, or lets say I don't know the details of the format, and also I have no converter to some known format in a language I can compile at this moment.
I do have the source code, I'll maybe put it on briefcase.yahoo.com/public, or here, I'll see, pasting it here is a bit lengthy.
What do I have? That it works!
The micro computer system
I've finally decided to make the daring changes to the Z80 system to make the DMA (direct memory access) completely PC driven. That means that the synthesizer computer system is simply connected to a PC's printer port, and a program on the PC can directly feed its memory with any data it wants, even while the microprocessor is running. Basically, it a switch to activate a protected memory range, where the synthesizer and or sequencer or other program are loaded, which is done at startup, and afterwards the memory range is selected where at any time a new sample or other (sound, sequence) data can be loaded under complete PC control, and at considerable speed (maybe ethernet or old SCSI comparable, depending on the system, cable length, and some electronics parts on the microprocessor side).
The DMA unit is easily enough up to lest say 100base ethernet speeds comparable data rates, i.e. at least 10 Mega Bytes per second, even higher when the asynchronous counter circuits keeps up with it, which probably would easily enough be into the 30 megabyte per second range, which is about this memories' maximum bandwith. Static mems of under 10nS would make this up to 50 or even a 100 Megabytes per second, although Iknow from experience that over 50 MHz or so, cables start to have to much of a life of their own for the 74HC parts I tried at the time.
The currently 10 MHz, very wires-all-over-the-place Z80 system already ticks with regular resets for many months, and when the program is in place, it only errs when my old fridge circuit beats the unshielded, up to half a meter long bus wires computers own FCC requirements violations with Kilovolt pulses, to regularly put it out of the orbit of decent operation.
Lots of words that might hide the simple fact that it works. The PC can now at any time be programmed to send data in a currently 4 kilobyte large page over a standard printer port, which will then end up in the microcomputers memory completely reliably, and after an adjustable short period, the microprocessor continues with its program (currently a quarter of a second or so) with the new data available in a part of its RAM.
One of the programs it runs (see the 'dedicated' synthesizer page via my highlights page ), is a sample player program, that plays a sample of about 4 KB, loops it at the last 256 byte section, and has two (detuned) oscilators controlled over a small mouth-harp sized 2 octave keyboard, and by a calculator type of 40 small keys control keyboard. The display can show text on 16 7 segment display units on a row, and library program sections are available to do interactive text input, number conversions to hex and decimal display, and a sequencer with 16 steps, directly step programmable by the keyboard. The calculator keyboard controls the sequencer with set to step 0, stop, start and record keys.
The PC software
So where does the PC come in? Basically, it creates and automatically downloads the samples that can immedeately, delay free be controlled and played on the synthesizer. And the program I made combines two major sound synthesis methods in one: additive (fixed phase) Fourier synthesis, and subtractive, filter based synthesis. Furthermore, it contains a singular crossfade generator, to make a crossfade in the sample over effectively any parameter, the fourier components and the filter cutoff and resonance.
The additive synthesis generators
When the program starts, the screen shows a straightforward menu, and place for graphical sample display, some numerical data, and 18 bars, which control each harmonic and the filter cutoff and resonance amounts. Simply click and slide the mouse to move the faders, use the menu to alternate between the sample begin and end position sliders set, press 'send', and the sample is computed, shown graphically (scrollable) and sent to the synthesizer. It can then immedeately be played!
The faders normally sinusiodial waveforms, i.e. with a phase factor of zero at t equals zero for sine functions, and the harmonics mix has no limitations and is free from additional signal conditioning, the mathematical sum of the weighed harmonics is sent straight to the output. That does require care to be taken to make the scaling right: two full level harmonics may easily have summed samples with a signal value above the 100 percent limit, in which case the output will distort by making the signal 'wrap around' the 8 bit limits, the software doesn't automatically scale the signal to prevent this, so that all levels are absolute.
In fact, the harmonics oscilators are a lot more powerfull than simple sinewave generators, they can be provided with samples of any length to be looped into oscilators! At startup time, the program is given a command line parameter which specifies the sample file which is used for the harmonics generators. this may be any sample, of arbitrary lenght and content, for instane a file with a sample length 256 with more than one sine wave, which is the standard file, to shift the pitch of the generators per octave, or even part of octave. Or a complete, up to full 4 kilo sample or longer sample may be provided, which is then used for the harmonics generators, basically by changing the pitch for each harmonic. That makes for less intuitive spectrums, but strong sound possibilities.
Interactive graph update
Little change to the sliders, press send again: new sound. computation time depends on the number of harmonics actually used, and is usually in the seconds range. The harmonics have their amplitude shown as number when the slider is moved, so it is possible to accurately adjust them to generate drawbar settings, and sawtooth, square and triangle waves, which works fine, and has the major advantage that these well known synthesizer waveforms are made in a way that has an exactly and accurately defined spectrum, to pevent aliasing errors resulting in ringing sound distortion effects, better then by just filtering geometrical base waveforms.
The filter simulator
The filter is a software simulation of a 4 pole, 24 dB per octave resonant low pass filter, as many known synths have, digitally speaking acting on 8 bits input and with 8 bit output data, with 16 bit of which 11/12 bit effective intermediate data processing, and scaled 7 bit resonance and cutoff control variables. The feedback is overall from the 4th to the 1st state variable, and negative, and can be adjusted to oscilate, with hard clipping preventing fold over only at the output, not the resonance control. The filter has a 3 stage (fir) averaging filter at its sample input, and of course itself is IIR, like its analog counterpart, and is samples at input output rate, effectively with currently unnoticable 1 overall delay behaviour.
The auto crossfader
The parameter interpolator uses 16 bits of which 7 bit effective data words, and interpolates with 16 bit intermediate results for about +- half lsb vertical interpolation accuracy. Horizontal resolution is currently 16 samples, which is one sixteenth of a single lowest harmonic time, unless upsampling is used. Effectively, it produces one output sample for each interpolation step, and is seperated for the filter control and the harmonics interpolator parts.
The graphical controls have 100 steps effective resolution, while the graph has 64 vertical and 256 horizontal steps per screen. It shows both the unfiltered interpolated harmonics waveform and the filtered output sample. Currently, the signal path allways goes over the filter, and only provides the filtered data at the output, no direct data from the harmonics. A single waveform graph screen, of the first full 256 sample cycle is shown and updated for each change of the parameters of the harmonics or the filter after the mouse is released from the graphical bar controls. Both the additive synthesis and filtered signals are shown interactively in the same graph.
The sound results
Does this make for good sounds?! Yes, in fact quite satisfactory. In spite of not much polyphony, with the current software two oscilators, like basic analog synths. Then the sample rate is at least somewhat over 20 kHz or so with this program. The DA conversion is very straight and fast, in audio sense the conversion is practically instantaneous, while the resolution is 8 real bits, accurate to much more then 1/2 lsb, and a electronical noise of very far below -50dB. Considering the sample rate and word width, that makes for a clean sound when the infrastructure is used right. In general, when samples are used without care, they may contain audible aliasing errors, and some amount of sampling distortion, though in practice the latter is often quite acceptable. A single sine wave can sound more than pure enough at reasonable volume, although of course 8 bits has a part of a percent as inherent error that is not good enough for the higher quality range.
The synthesis method is varied enough to make a variety of sounds: organs, synth bass, brass, and reed sounds, filter growls, crickets and bird sounds, effects, very many more or less typical spectrum crossfade sounds, and a range of sounds that would make various house-boxes yealous, especially when samples are used for the harmonic partial generators, and cross fading and filter effects are optimized for the samples and timing, quite some strongness and heavines can be achieved, and certainly the filters IIR and real resonance behaviour doesn't make the result dull. The sound is strong enough and even analog type resonant in various ranges, nice.
The limited enveloping and lacking modulation possibilities prevent at this moment full syth compatibilities, only a single crossfade isn't enough for attack and decay envelope sections, but dynamical resonance is bad on the other hand, and lfo FM or AM or control modulation would make for a lot more sonic interest in general.
The additive synthesis part requires knowledge about harmonics, to form for instance basic waveforms, although playing around with the graphically visible harmonics spectrum directly is quite gratifying, too. The sound palette is quite varied with al first integer harmonics, and the crossfade makes the sounds alive enough, especially when combined with the filter. The added control over harmonics compared with the fixed waveform approach is considerable.
The single output sample (which is not at all a strict limitation) often sounds perfect enough for a purpose in limited key range, but of course the inherent envelope rate scaling over two octaves is often undesirable. For use in a limited key range, the results of for instance the analog filter type of sounds can be quite good, and as I said with complicated samples as generators even special enough. This is also due to the two oscilator approach in the sampler microprocessor software, where the detuned oscilators give a richer, more vibrant sound, and make single harmonics produce pleasant beating patterns way more interesting than the straight harmonic oscilators would. Some sounds may be a bit weaker because of this chorussy type of effect.