Theo Verelst Diary Page

Latest: March 15 2001

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.

Previous Diary Entries

March 15, 2001

Progress inspite of ancienic equipment.

Pictures, users interfaces

I've found a msdos program to display various types of images, for instance ppm, which I can now write from my graphics programs, and even convert them to web-fahig or standard formats such as gif and jpeg, so it makes sense to prepare some more graphics result for web display. For the purpose, I tried the gnu mouse handling, drawing and graphical text libraries, which seems to work as expected, so I can draw and have a mouse cursor in the incredible resolution of 640x480 with 256 colours, in comparison, not that bad, and the gnu compiler and lib seem to be ok, except the programs run strictly under dos, not on a dos window (though I can't try that now).

Anyhow, enough progress to think a bit about a few at least example applications, what am I, working for nothing? I think I'll at least make clear I indeed did these thing s before, so I put some routines together already for graphical operations, including rotations, and as I described zbuffered rendering, and intersection computations, which I already did before, so they are not too challenging, and at the time, too, it was part of a job, but when it works its fun to make some images, and it may be of use.

To make it all a bit more appealing, I made some menu button code, with slick and lean functing pointer linking for flexibility, that is ok, though I guess there are various libraries that allow full window programming, but that isn't needed now, just a text within a box, click, function, that works fine.

The mouse routines include general purpose rubberbanding which is nice, maybe I'll even do the block thing, though that too I consider more work than fun except that the result may be good to play around with.

Putting some things together in this C variation, I even made some C++ programs tick to try though don't feel too much urge, makes for portable programs, which could partially be ported and compiled straight away on more modern machines and environments, both windows and linux, so at least I (again, sigh) can at least make clear what is all possible without a chance for some to deny it, but can easily make products that are in finished form, though with my experience that would make more sense with some mild investments than redoing things I did at least a few times before already.

The idea of making some graphics stuff work is not unfun, maybe I'll drag in some matrix routines, too, there are uncovered scientific grounds touchable by this setup, except whats the point, without being paid?

I've taken some time to think about the synth stuff, what I've prepared is up to most things, and it is at least good enough to take completely serious, but I need to find either ways to make things work with minimal means, or find a way to do decent development and make some product, and on top it doesn't hurt to continue the presentation pages, but I guess browse traffic is drawn to more than enough clearness, and my purpose is not at this moment proving I'm up to making those pages perfectly exaustive and type set for book quality, though those aren't bad principles in general. Or maybe an 'introduction to synthesizers' dvd.

What's a person in this world

I shortly spoke with someone I knew a few years back, which was at least nice, I wondered as regularly lately not so much about what makes people, as far as I have interest of course, tick, but more how much or rather how little it is appearently possible or permitted or desirable to be a person in this world, or more specifically in this country or city I'm rather unfortunately stuck. I got various job offers, or at least suggestions, abroad, which on itself would be nice, except that I don't have the means to even go there to start with at this moment, which I gues is known, so than it is not nice, which make me think about that subject too. It seems there are unwritten laws, and I know from the past that supposedly there are demonic authoritities also per country, that when people are into spiritual without discernment without any question will be in more power, which is a bad idea and without question part of the problem.

Being a small country and all I guess that certain subjects like world level problems make for unsecurity at various levels having a larger place than lets say with the germans or the french, but I simply don't like the idea that a) everything that sticks its head up must be brought down (and don't bullshit me that that is not so for many) and b) that the well known dutch attitude is that they tell every foreigner or who wants to know implicitly and maybe explicitly that that has been whispered to them as eternal and greatly to be appraised and never to be doubted under no circumstances even raised as real subjects by their own personal link with the highest spiritual instance that will ever be seen.

I'm not saying the world is better than the dutch or something so general, I don't know. For certain subjects, which include the stealing of the face of a reverent while being so evidently hypocritical and lately probably pathetically unwilling to even face simple enough truths (calling that the same as in scebrenica is a compliment I won't make), as a publically perceivable lets say say internal attitude. Not that people need to be perfect or that I demand greatness before I can deal with anything, but already lets say 15 years ago I developed the quite firm impression that it is more appreciated here to play games along that make my mother probably more a desirable person, which I could in seriousness assure she isn't, than me, even though I wasn't a bad person, quite talented and working, making good enough things, bla bla, etc.

Seriously, so I worked for some obviously at least mainly pencil pushing civil servant, made software that worked, on schedule, didn't even claim that ones' position or showed greed to take over a position, and in the end I supposedly am not worth while keeping aboard a supposed top university for working not good enough, or because my family didn't get the priviledge yet of their wonderfull and maybe eternally usefull betrayal game, or because the political child abuser gangs decided that I wouldn't be jinxed enough in the end to subdue to their most authoratively acting demon, or what. Or I just wasn't suitable for the nazi system? I wasn't aware of the unwritten law that working for a lesser talent needs to include sucking up like a real little boy, with actual heart felt emotions of admiration for the great leader that it isn't before the exchanging of faces game can be made acceptable as university or society wise phenomenon that the sacrifice of a normal or above average person can be made according to the rules of the real beast that will devout only the children and the good, because the real targets are to hard to win of.

How good a whore would make sinners usefull?

Just a daring statemtent, it expresses some thoughts at the same time, but isn't in literal form meant exactly as it stands, as I usually like to write.

Also, it has no direct bearing on the rest of this section, it expresses some warped version of a thought I would have about the reversal or misery that is present in the image of the great whore as collector of all fake religions, and as the compter of maybe both satan and god in greed for the lives of people as some would see it.

In the whole of things as presented in desirable form in biblical terms, and as I think I like to perceive what God would want, other, maybe converse responses are more appropriate. So what is the damnation, what is the blessing, and how and by what means are they seperated?

I looked up the lyrics for 'live in central park', and even have a midi set for csound rendering, though I can't play long samples yet. I considered a quick hack by taking a fast dump routine to feed sample pieces to the microcomputer dma unit, which I also have in gnu C version, while letting the sequencer application run on the synt, while feeding one printer (for instance out of paper) signal back with the sequencer clock pulse on it, that should minus the short dma time make it possible to write a long sample in pieces, which with the right key in a repeating sequence can be played such that a continuous enough sound would be the result. By hand (press spacebar for next sample chunck idea), the idea is fine, I played a little piece of bach from a csound rendering this way.

America (4:57) 
P. Simon, 1968
Released on Bookends

"Let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together
I've got some real estate here in my bag"
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies
And walked off to look for America

"Kathy," I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
"Michigan seems like a dream to me now"
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've come to look for America

Laughing on the bus
Playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said "Be careful, his bowtie is really a camera"

"Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat"
"We smoked the last one an hour ago"
So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
"I'm empty and I'm aching and I don't know why"
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all come to look for America
All come to look for America

Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all come to look for America
All come to look for America
All come to look for America

Or this one

Late In The Evening (4:09) 
P. Simon, 1978

The first thing I remember I was lying in my bed
I couldn't have been no more than one or two
I remember there's a radio comin' from the room next door
And my mother laughed the way some ladies do
Well, it's late in the evening and all the music's seeping through

The next thing I remember I am walking down the street
I'm feeling all right, I'm with my boys, I'm with my troops, yeah
And down along the avenue some guys were shootin' pool
And I heard the sound of a cappella groups, yeah
Singing late in the evening, and all the girls out on the stoops, yeah

Then I learned to play some lead guitar, I was underage in this funky bar
And I stepped outside to smoke myself a J
And when I came back to the room, everybody just seemed to move
And I turned my amp up loud and I began to play
And it was late in the evening, and I blew that room away

The first thing I remember when you came into my life
I said I'm gonna get that girl no matter what I do
Well, I guess I'd been in love before, and once or twice I been on the floor
But I never loved no one the way that I loved you
And it was late in the evening and all the music's seeping through

The first thing I remember when you came into my life
I said I'm gonna get that girl no matter what I do
Well, I guess I'd been in love before, and once or twice I been on the floor
But I never loved no one the way that I loved you
And it was late in the evening and all the music's seeping through

One of my major likes has been to play also pop music in 'spare' time while quite at work during day time, and I think I still like the same two sides to life. At the time it had nothing or nothing much to do with management or leadership, but suppose I'd want to have a public office in some area, how would that be, a politician with a jazz band, donno how tat would be, I don't feel like politics much, certainly not here, and elsewhere I guess I'd still consider it a job that would have to be for a good reason.

I think there is a freedom idea involved, and a life which is not limited to an office, which at the time was certainly not like most others would live, but then again, I never saw much of a problem with such an idea, and the reason some wannabe leaders might have had problems is most likely quite different.

Suppose I'd want to lead Hewlett Packard with this sort of lets say exposure of likes in my live, what would my chances be? I didn't have such a desire, I mainly liked to work there because of contentwise and environmentwise reasons, though industrywise it could be considered honorable.

The general though I had that I wanted to give place in this section is how it lets say management and leadership, and maybe on dayly basis works in lets say electrical engineering circles. I'm sure its possible to take some talents together, as over time, and without probably too much pressure happens, and send a machine to mars that works quite advanced, make iridium work, and other such things, and probably I can imagine what in thoughts was suggested that current computers could be a lot faster and bigger still, for the same price roughly by a considerable factor, when certain people decide to work on certain things, join some forces, and such.

How does this all hold together, should one not at top level push for the best always? Maybe, but than have a life, too, play political and other games along when they seem for a good purpose, still feel like looking at oneself in the mirror, and be happy with it all.

Then what happens in such environments, why does microsoft make their product, and not Linux, and why doesn't a more professionally made system 'rule', or why do certain developments go as they go, while other market partitionings are quite perceivable, and scientific developments could spawn quite different spectrums of activities?

I think the idea of liking what one works for is of primary importance. That sounds like on the positive side, but it could also be that the implementation of some stupid, demon or illuminati or for all I care mother induced rule is the target where one feels satisfied with to work a certain way in a certain place with certain people, and with a certain hidden or public target.

Again on the positive, sane side, leaders in some branch of activity would preferably be such that the bad parties are not given too much space to hurt other than the ones that deserve it, while at least good enough living should be possible for those they deal with that don't need to be denied that. For me, that is normal enough thinking, that I normally woul d not feel compelled to clarify, but seriously, it seems hard enough. Assuming that there is such great misery in the world that it takes a role in most anything there is, than that may make some additions to this thinking needed, but the essence imo stays the same, and seriously, I don't even like asking wether in practice this is made so for many persons.

That must be for a reason. Revelation speaks for a significant part about only a 7 year (actual time) period, so the misery that realy hits the fan because of Gods angels bringing judgement and the taking away of the withholder, the holy spirit, is not generally present in that form now, according to lets say biblical idea as far as I find reliable enough to take serious.

That means no apocaliptical shit to excuse letting the nazis bring their heil at least to gods purpose or something. I find that complete shit. Or other doom scenarios where some high spiritual instance or I don't know who else things it is better to fight the childabusers by also blaming them for environmental polution, that they than can be held responsible for for not solving when they get positions in societely. That just don't give them positions.

More elusive, refined maybe, dangerous, or general complicated issues in this area quite certainly exist, but I refuse to even consider seriously that the giving up or over of my intelligence, sanity or authority over my life is going to do any good to the ones that can have that or damnation to the ones deserving it, or that the world is going to be a better place because of it. And I'm sure the certain spiritual entitities without a body and life of their own disagree by the million, and that the jews were not killed 60 years ago because they were inferiour or superior at life, and that no intellectual issue has been settled that needed settling in the process.

In other words what is bad is bad, and there is no point in sacrificing to evil, maybe unless one is blackmailed to do so, but than every reasoning can hold, than the whole thing becomes a power game. Every power game that starts with a corrupted, undesirable starting point will not end satisfactory, is my firm conviction. The overthrow of another power by playing parties against eachother is not an exception to that rule, not because I like to see it that way, I think intrinsically that is always so, when on takes a system of only evil, makes it tick certian ways, and look at it again, one has a transformed system of evil, thats pretty logical, so the power question and the evil question are not the same and shouldn't be reversed.

So I don't give power up when that is not called for? That too is another question. It may well be that circumstances are so evil that one needs to go underground even, in priciple, not that I consider this woII or that that is a valid option currently, but just to make some ideas clear. The same with treasurousness, when trust or lack of it can literally kill you one may well become picky in that respect, and that is not trust to be subdeud to the same spirit, that is for real, which in non-war time is luckily not that needed to survive physically. Clearly enough these shakespearean subjects are not the eternal anwers to the questions of leadership in this world, but I have felt like being faced with knowing how to with some special ritual screw ina light bulb when actually nuclear moonlander XX is heading back to earth on collision course. It feels stupid in that case, not so much insulting or lets say irritable, just stupid. Now I'm quite sure I in general am not needed to save the world, I don't think I'll ever be stupid enough a schizo actor, or stupid enough in general to exchange me with Someone that is, or to consider myself gods only gift to this world or such nonsense, but I do think like in my opinion any normal person could as well understand may things that obviously leed to misery, also for them, and at least not be too stupid about life. And though I didn't aim for it, it seems to be a relevant

One fool can raise more questions than a thousand wise man can answer.

I think it is a proverb from the bible book of proverbs

Don't answer a fool in his foolishness, as not to be equaled with him

I think is another one, in free rendering. Are they good and proper translations? I don't know, I didn't even look, but I do think that general wisdom in living is at least a good check to see if doctrines add up to complete insanity or at least make sense enough to maybe take serious.

The knowledge of God is the beginning of all wisdom

That's a tougher one. Personally one may think what one wants, though maybe in china's cultural revolution that too is hard enough, but making such a statement in environments with political, society wise implications is more daring. And potentially dangerous, not just personwise, but also contentwise. Lets not raise the moslims up? No, the fake christians would be more the problem, and hard to shake of. Before we know it state would again have to be seperated from religion, which is quite a job, so lets not make mistakes in the area.

I should get rome completely against me, but judging the jesuit methods of operation, I don't think they'll take no for an answer easily when I want to make clear they even in the end or however, do NOT serve the same god, and should not present themselves in this world as fellow believers in MY faith, Jesus Christ, is the expression, that stuff sucks bad. And I'm sure their spiritual bookkeeping system, which no doubt adds up to the number of a man just like we are tought, can be succesfull enough in acquiring quite some riches, and that even some real riches may end up in the system, so I might in principle be forced to work the slave labour in a system that lets them have something of my work, but strictly when I'm blackmailed into it, or have estimated I might win in the end, and then under protest.

And then I'd also not feel good, so out of my own motivation, I'd get the hell away if I have the chance.

I guess there are comparisons of evil, and when it would take a lifetime of hard word to kick the catholic affeliates out of power and in the end end up with treasurous converts that still aim for the same things, one may want to decide to go about things otherwise. Well, I won't aim for the gold and cathedrals, let other lust after such things. Well, some for chip lead wires, and a few nice buildings never hurts, of course.

Coming just from the sixties probably makes one think different than coming just from WOII, and being born rich and with wonderfull (gpmh) circles to have power with makes one inclined to play a different game of life than when one needs to work to make a living.

There are more variations of such themes that without question are reversed and permuted by people of very evil intend, and I am not of intend to let that happen unexposed or uncorrected, unless victims of such soups of thoughts are not to be considered worth the effort or not victims at all. And that, too, may be a motivation, except that I would than think one may not like life enough in the end and disagree.

To get back to the subject, can management be human and including lets say being alive, or is it needed and imperative to make an office or work environment a certain way different, and if so how? I guess that is a personality issue, too, depending on wether leadership is trusted and can trust its employees, wether it is based on for instance mild or grave emotional oppression or simply the ownership of production goods and knowledge, or wether their is a paternal or maternal game going on, or wether absolute chaos is considered the best long term left type of approach, and all this is of course under a countries' or a cities' sky. Or maybe not.