Theo Verelst Wanted page
Because of some quite extraordinary personal circumstances,
which only recently have been admitted to be the result of serious
fears and shames in my family and in relation with my former
employer (Delft University), I only know feel in a situation
to resume some of the contacts that I lost by being stuck
in Amsterdam without proper means of transportation and
communication (with the lucky exception of good old email),
and especially because of not having the faintest possiblity of
ascertaining what forces actually were (and are) the source of
my idiotic situation.
There are some people who I more or less instensively and
intimately have been with in the past that I can't reach
at the moment, and some of my other pages can give some clear
indication of the possible reasons for that, but who I would
very much like to be in touch with again. Considereing the
situation I'm only now getting a little bit of tangible
evidance for has existed for a long time in my life already,
some contacts go back guite some years. I presume that some
computerized people can provide some possibly indirect links to
them, so this seems at least a reasonable starting point to try
to restart some contact, this time with at least some ideas
of what actually may have been the case with some of the people
I was lucky to spent time with.
I realize that most of the information on this page os of a very
personal nature, but since various people have already deemed it
legitimate to peek into and distribute widely significant
information stolen from every personal belonging I have,
I guess that won't be too much of a difference. Besides, I have
nothing to hide (I think). Can one put himself so naked on the
internet? Remember a woman who scorned David for dancing naked
got infertile as a punishment of God ... (if you believe in Him
at all, otherwise just consider me a touch excentric with good
If some of the people I write about feel indignified because
of a breach of privacy I apologize and suggest a fast message
in the guestbook or over email to get their names and things they
shared with me of this page. Again, I only want to be in touch
with some people I loved again, and see no more efficient,
and broadly scoped (some are from abroad) way of doing it.
What does he think he is doing?
Since many of the people I mention on this page (and yes, I do
have a fairly diverse and serious range of (even reachable) male
friends and acqaintances as well) are women, it is a logical
question what I see as legitimate and desirable possible
Again I would like to point at some of my other pages (...)
to emphasize that I take it as very possible that various persons
on this page have had to do with possibly very serious types
of both sexual and power abuse, and that my interest in them is
in spite of this. That is: it might explain behaviour that
I couldn't deal with in the past, it is not the reason that
I want to be in touch, and it will not stop me from having
any kind of relation with all that it seems fitting with.
More history and thoughts
Personal history and thoughts (Latest Update 15 april 1998):
some more on the subject of
abuse and about the development of my thoughts on the subject
and some of the people whom it (possibly) concerns.
Please provide me with any possible pointer to these persons!
Also see above link. Must have had a seriously hard time hiding her
beauty (got me tricked at first), rarely found "at home feeling".
Should be a top level physica (or something else) by now,
she has the talent, but considering her greeks interest and
clear political ability she could probably do good in many
Ingrid has been in my thoughts a lot, and width very serious
thoughts, which I've found hard to make explicit, because I
can't verify the truth of all of them, see also above link.
I feel like it is fitting to relate to her as to a wife
(explicitly not including the wedding bell thoughts), but find
this uncomfortable because of the long time I haven't spoken
with her in person. Similar thoughts I could recently also
feel fitting with more than a few of the other persons I
mentioned, in some cases (not all) even more weard for similar
reasons. This spiritual thing would better work and be truthfull,
otherwise it is one of the main things that make life worth
while and provide space for good and even better events and
I have just received a possible email address, but she,
again in spirit, asked me not to use it jet. Kind of exciting
because her story is the key that started a lot of my thoughts,
and I'd like, and have sincere need, to verify the spiritual
against the actual, but evidently there is a lot of risk involved
for her is the material I've written partly about is even
remotely true. That means that our contact would verify from
a first hand witness that some of the possible accusations against
people in not irrelevant places are true, and no doubt I will
take every measure I can find (and when I get going there are
not very many that can match my thrust) to solve that
situation in a legal and as rigorous as possible way. Unless she
askes me to wait. And of course emotionally it is not too easy to
maybe have confirmed or denied one of the main lines in thought
and the opinions of one of the most meaningfull persons in my life,
if she or someone else can give me some tangible clue on
that, it would be valuable to me, I'd want to love in more
ways than in spirit. I realize I'm pushing things with such
remarks, and should at least add that quite some of the remarks
I make in following sections apply in high degree to her as well,
but I want to do more than write about her, I now we can live
together, and there are not many things I'd like to make come
about more than that, in any form appropriate at the time,
but evidently in every way that we didn't have in past.
I want to add a dired remark here, at least for my beta (dutch
term) brain, there are people that I believe of have also been
near me for reasons outside the mere human, i.e. where the God
I claim to want to follow has had a definite, positive and
complete say in, and I belief that with her that is the case,
just as with some others mentioned on this page. I want to clarify
this, because in itself this makes me uneasy, does God mean for
people to be together? Quite probably, but actually saying this
is the case for such and such person could be anything between
proposterous, dangerously manipulative, killing of human
feelings, or rare confirmation. And forces a christian side
to a relationship that for me at the time I met her was not
an option, I simply didn't consider the possibility. Since I
claim to be in line with the fundaments of my faith, which I
with much emphasis repeat does NOT mean it is in line with the
average chrisianity and means it is open for every kind of
public testing, this factor does play a crucial role, and in fact
inplicates that when she was (partwise) also near to me at the
time I met her, because of reasons of fatih and possibly told to
be so through profesies (I wasn't even remotely aware of,
and still can only think about), or by personal conviction, I
may have made a grave, essential, high impact, incredibly
harmfull error by telling her I didn't want to have more than
an ordinary student home relationship with her simply
to give things time, not provole jealousies, and to give her
time to adapt to a new environment (with a fairly noticable
age difference). And as I see it now, I did.
And regret it very much.
Just to make things clear here, I had no evil intent, and
it would have been possible to wait until later occasion
(which she didn't), but considerig what must have been the
horribly abuse situation she came from and must have
continued in, I find it hard to express the sorry I feel for that.
Some more remarks are in order since I find this a highly sensitive
subject and want to prevent misunderstandings. When there is
a claim that God intents two people to be together, the source of
that claim must be scrutinized, because of the large impact.
Furthermore, it is quite possible, and unfortunately likely,
that very malicious, abuse people also abuse (tested) utterances and
knowledge like that to present someone like Ingrid as bate
to bring destruction to the other person in the relation.
Ingrid is strong and certainly intelligent enough to not
only know this, but to apply that knowledge to prevent that from
happening. But that doesn't necessarily mean that all is
according to God's will (what a abused expression that is,
somehow I hate it, but not if it is actually that), and it couldn't
have been, since I wasn't out there to search His will. Does
that mean I broke the law? Actually I lived quite honorably,
and probably cannot even be accused of seriously breaking even one
the ten commandments or their derivatives, I challenge other
christians to show such a holy (in the non-stupid, actual sense of
the word) life as I had, and I certainly have showed tons
of fruits of love. Unfortunately, to the wrong people.
But in terms of His will I appearently have miserably failed
in some aspects, beacuse if some girls would have meant close
to heaven to me it would have been Melinda or Ingrid or Josette,
and if with some it would have been natural and even easy to
also have a close emotional (in fact in serious respects I
did have that with Ingrid for a long time) and a sexual relation
ot would have been with them, apart from my complete failure
to understand why some sides of the contact were so strangly
evasive. And it would have made a profound difference for
all parties involved. I can't judge myself for having
made a serious error in terms of just or appropriate bahaviour,
but having been run out christianity without a clue certainly
has made some people's lives miserable. In I've started to
suspect that the situtation around me in university and with
a lot of so called christian activity s not much different.
People forget that ministries and desired relationships are
not up for the bidding, and are completely connected with the
intended persons and can absulotely not be taken by someone else.
When this (especially for malicious reasons) happens anyway,
the results and the resulting grieve and suffering can be
horrible, and I am realy sorry for the part of that which
I quite probably have contributed, or at least not prevented.
I hope the people who have denied me the appropriate knowledge
and lied to others relying on that knowledge that they did
inform me, are at least similarly sorry, and try to make
up for the results.
Melinda de Meij
Very attractive person I met during a performance and had some
very happy music making in common with, both herself and
her bass-playing made her company I would have liked to
continue and give more content. Through her sister and another
musician I understood that would be not such a good idea, even
though I had not the faintest idea as to the why, I (stupidly)
assumed their judgement was of posivit value. When I sometimes
met her later I didn't know exactly what to think, maybe I should
have been clearer, there are few persons with the impact she made,
in a very gentle way.
Tal Ben Zvi (IL)
I met her in Barcelona (esp), while staying in a yought hostel
with a group of people from Holland, after having been on a
joint address near Berga (Pyrenees), while having dinner.
Some of the members of the group I was traveling with appearently
invited her (or possibly knew her, but I can olny guess), and
we started talking while walking in the area afterwards.
In short we spent a long night in the area of the Barcelona market
(which is far from desolate in summer nights), got closer, and
decided (on her proposal) to travel further together. After
some conversing, because there was a limited numbers of cars
to travel with, and because until a little before I had agreed
to travel further with another girl from the group, who appearently
(unfortunately, because I liked her a lot) changed her mind, we
agreed to meet again at the home af a girl who was staying
in her parents house in France,and who I had promised to visit,
possibly with some people from the group. I didn't know exactly
what she wanted, I lived in the same house for two years with her,
and it was clear that we had something valuable, but since she
started sleeping with someone else after having been out with
her one night, I didn't know exactly what to expect (I had no idea
about what realy may have been going on), and from our communication
before I left, there were expectations of having more than a
casual relation, bit to my knownledge she was at that point still
in another relationship. All a bit complicated, but it makes clear
that the situatio of me arriving with someone I would sleep with
may well have caused hardship for her, even though I called her
upfront, and though she showed similar behaviour and appearently
didn't think bad of it.
I short, the rest of the story is that we went over Orleans (where
we found our first hotel), to Paris, stayed there a few weeks
visiting amoung other things a lot of art exhibitions (she was
an art/geography major), lived in a borrowed tent, and visited
someone I knew from a popmusic workshop in a small village in
the north of France. After she hitch hiked to London, I returned
to Holland to arrange some work affairs, and we were aware of the
difficulties of continuing the relationship, since Israel is both
for away from Holland and from the US, where I wanted to go.
After some not so easy phonecalls (for probably a whole lot more
profound reasons than I was arare of, because why would she have
such great difficulty traveling along to my home?), I decided to
go to London, where we could stay in a friend's appartment for
another few weeks, and spent most time together, and some with
the girl who lived there visiting and going out in various places
in London and Cambridge.
The at that point hard ending was, that we agreed to travel some
more to Berlin or Prague (using my car again, and after some
financial arrangements), buit she backed out on that, by telling
me right before the metro entrance, knowing I had to catch my
bus back for university matters, that she didn't want to go on
any more at all. From someone with who only several days before
an important issue was wether or not she was pregnant, and what
to possibly do about that (those condoms weren't for nothing),
that is quite a cold shower.
Remember that I didn't have a clue as to the real reasons for
a lot of behaviour, also when she wrote me that she didn't love
enough to go on (which was rather a contrast with her wanting to
meet later in the US as I would getr there, and with her own
drive to persue the relation in the first place), and that
I also didn't understand her difficulties with me coming to
Israel, which on my later salary would have been very easy,
first she seemed to want to draw me by making clear academics
in Israel meet high standards, later she ade clear she didn't
want me there because of the dangerous circumstances.
In short, I realize a lot more must have been going on, and I gather
that as a results of lies and fears she me not have been very
nive to me behind my back (to put it eufemistically), which I
will immedeately forgive her, if she would only answer my
letters and other inquiries by email (for now at least).
She made sculpture, a variation on Rodin's thinker one may say,
but than in a back-bent form, with fairly clear meaning. She
could correct that, at most times I guess when she wasn't affraid
(see above, and simply because of the fact that my spiritual
communication amounted to no more than "gut-feeling").
Not many people can have the intensity and match what I need
when looking at me as she did on various occasions, such as
some of the dinners we had, never mind they were cheap
Andrea Schwyter (CH)
I met her on a new years party in Amsterdam, and if at that point
I'd still have my christian moral of 4 years or so before, I would
be forgiven of sleeping with someone the first night. Luckily,
I can simply observe that it was one of the better things that
happened (by mutual agreement and choice), and it led to a
relationship where for some time I very much enjoyed her company
and the house she had in Switserland. I wanted to take her to
the US if I would get there, but at that point it seemed all
too much for her, and it ended up that the last time I visited her
a few years ago we still (from the looks of it both) had pretty
much the same feelings, without the (for me desirable)
continuous relationship (emotional and sexual).
Too me it seemed that it was a bit too much for her, she worked
as physio therapist and probably wanted her own business, and
driving over on a weekend and planning on going far abroad isn't
directly compatible with a logical continuation of life in Biel.
Some time ago, as of course (see above link) I communicated with
her in spirit, it became horribly clear that a whole lot more has
been going on than simple choice, "dein Fater is ein Verbrecher",
doesn't sound very irrelevant to me.
I tried to send a letter to an old address recently, but it
bounced, I guess too much was (and is) going on, I have a number,
so if I manage a phonecard I will try and call her if it feels right.
A nice recharge time in switserland doesn't sound too far from
a little paradise to me. I wonder why people talk about the pleasure
of waking up with a loved one, I did't see the other times in the
same bed as less enjoyable.
Parce que je sais qu'lle etait aprrenant de l'anglais quand je
la racontrais, peut etre c'est joli the traduir ce passage an
francais (C'est bein for ma francais et son anglais).
Je la racontrais a une party the nouveaux annee a Amsterdam, et
quand a ce temps, je avait eu ma morale (?) christienne de 4
ans devant, j'avais eu besoin de etre perdonne pour me dormir
avex quelqeu un aux premier nuit.
Heureusement je peut simplement observe que c'etait une de les
plus bien choses qui ce sont passe (par consent et choisir de
tout les deux) et il y a commence une relation dans qui je, depuis
temps, ai ete tres heureuse avec sa companie dans ma et sa maison
en suisse. Je voulet la ammener aux Etas Unies, quand je arrivai la,
mais a ce temp tout ensemble etais un peu trop dur pour elle,
et enfin quand je la visitais il I a quelque annees, nous avions
plus les meme sentiments, et sa ce montrais que nous nous
sentions les deux moins ou plus la meme, mais sans avoir une
relation continue (emotionelle et sexuelle), q'etais
desire par moi.
Je croyet que c'etais tout trop trop pour elle, elle travaillait
comme physio-therapiste, et probabilement voulet une enterprise
de sa meme, et rouler le distance Bienne-Hollande deux fois en
weekend et donne de consideration a faire un emigration (pour
quelque annees) n'etait pas exactement une extension logique
en comparison de vivre en Bienne.
Il y a quelque annees, quand je la contactais en espirit, que ca
devienait horriblement clair que beacoup plus c'etais passe
que simplement choisir pour ou contre continuer ce relation,
quand elle pensait "ton pere est un criminel".
Plus recente, j'ai essaye de la metrer une lettre mais c'etais
retourne, je crois que trop beacoup se passait a ce moment,
mais j'ai un numero de telephone que je vais essayer quand
j'ai de succes a obtenir une carte de telephone et quand ca
Une bien temp pour recouperir en Suise n'a pas l'air de etre
tres loin d'un peux de paradix pour moi. Je me demande pourqoui
on parle seulement de plaisir de se lever avec quelque-un aimee,
je ne voyet pas les autres temps d'etre dans le meme lit
comme moins agreable.
Lisa (Lamree ?)
Also see link above. There are not many girls I had gotten that
close toin the few weeks we were on the same holyday address,
and I stil regret that at some point she didn't want to go on
anymore, probably for a lot more profound reasons I assumed at
the time, already then I found it not very credible that I
was to much for her, or that her boyfriend at the time (with
whom she clearly expressed things were not very good) was
such a major factor. We were together naturally, and she the first
girl I ever got to the point with of mutually expressing the
desire of continuing the relationship by sharing the same tent.
Sweet and strong at the same time, if models would be more chosen
for their beauty, she could be one.
She exchanged Delft univerity (mechanical engineering) for
another school, and I don't like to consider the possible
grave reasons for that, I completely doubt it had to do
with her intellectual capabilities, and unfortunately have
to put quite some belief in the reasons communicated in spirit
that are along the same lines as the organized abuse I've
talked about concering Ingrid.
We'll never make it to the Pat Metheny concert in Andora
anymore, but I hope there will be other occasions to continue
where we left off, where maybe I won't see the cool approach
as the only way to form as I saw fit.
I had a band with her as lead singer, we met at a pop-music workshop
in Delft, and were on the verge of having a more than friendly
relationship for quite some time, but somehow see seemed to hold
that of, even though I found her very attractive, and wanted
a lasting relation with her.
At the time I didn't have much understanding as to the why.
Lost contact after she finished her industrial design study
and she went east (in Holland), pity.
I would say she can do a lot more good than she and probably
most others are willing to let her have, and again without
tangible proof but with quite some credibility I belief that
similar reasons as mentioned above have led to more pain in her
life than I probably can imagine.
She was the first I got to the point with to explicitly and very
clearly expressing that
I liked her very much, in the face of another relation that
had (she willingly?) commenced after
about half a year or so since I knew her (and during which things
never got of the ground somehow, completely beyond my comprehension).
I hope at least that that tells her that I realy meant it.
That was (and I guess isn't) my habit.
I was serious, but could imagine easily now that if her situation
was only remotely like I now can infer it must have been, that is
exactly what stopped her, and for a very good reason towards me.
She has spent a year in the US, and would sure make me happy
to do that again in my company, if she still as the interest.
She played a major part in a time when I was forming myself
artistically (or just in a way completely contrary to the
acedemic environment I felt squeezed into?),
after having effectively abandoned my faith and left my parents
home to be free of some boundaries I felt were very much
and I probably for the first onger lasting period in my life felt
sufficiently free and provided with sufficent soundboard
to do that in a way that satisfied me, and that could give me
a space to fit. Ingrid affected that in a major way, at the
same time I knew and played in bands with Josette, but in terms
of expression and relating personally Josette had a far more
major role and I thought at the time. I found that out only later,
simply put when I missed her. I thought the music did so much,
but wen she was gone, music was still fine, but what I liked
and valued so much was gone.
Wendy Hoff (currently ?)
I met her in the bible school I visited for years in the past
as the sister of someone of a couple that I now have fairly
unambiguous, fairly negative thoughts about, and I guess I easily
fell in love with her. Though we shared some time making music
we didn't get to meet too often, and listening back to a
tape from that group with some testimonies and some hardly
obscure "advise" I see my suspicions that that was not exactly
coincidental all too easy confirmed. I picked up the indonesians
could teach dutch abusers a trick or two (why did I just write
that? Guess a little bird told me (almost scriptural, read proverbs).
A niece of mine some twenty years ago seemed to want to communicate
something to me clearly enough for me to remember even now, and
her mother used and expression considering a dead bird, when
my family was around, that must have been my thought connection.).
She used to be a girl with a combination of fineness and
guts that I hoped to be together with for quite some time.
My second highschool flame. What can I say? I never understood what
actually went on when we danced (what's the expression "cheek to
cheek", anyway: close), in comparison with the combination of
attraction and "no" I perceived in that time and after.
A load of thoughts I could express now, hopefully but not likely
the evil (grave abuse by even the school director, thoughts, mind you)
ones are not true. Even more hopefully, the positive ones, that
indeed she did want more than a bit but conciously stopped
that for very heavy weight consideration, are true.
Current questions have to include:
was that belly she held against me carrying a baby (at 14 or so) and
if so, whose, and what happended? Bear in mind that only a few years ago I started
thinking about these things and communicating without knowing
where to contact her. And was this boyfriend she at that time
appearently prefered over me on of the types I don't even like to
think about (see above link)? Did she indeed know Ingrid Vos
and if so through more than just dance lessons?
Irregardless of all that there are not too many people I'd wanted
to be in a relationship with as much as her.
Andreas Pruess (DE)
Someone from Kassel (couldn't find him visiting the "Documenta")
who lived in my house, and with whom I have some unfinished
talks. Why did he suggest castration (of the type not damaging
essential body parts) as a good idea for men (actually, himself)?
Come to think of it were eunuchs rendered "guards of the
bedroom", in the most to the point translation of the greek word
by exceptionally cruel methods ?
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