I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes familiy, christianity, and othercheats. The simple reason is that it may well by that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of mymaterials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as manyreferences to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changinga iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called uponusto respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.
 

Previous Diary Entries
 

May 1st 1999

Where are the christians I read books from that struggled mainly with one thing: to do what the one that bought them wants them to do. Some half a year ago I roamed a 'christian' bookstore for its contents, and frankly, I only found a few remotely interesting bible translations, though definately nothing realy worthwhile (except the king james, being not the worst translation) and one book I remember about statistics on (mainly sexual) abuse, reminding me of figures I already read about before (roughly 1/3 of women are seriously sexually abused before 18, and 1/4 of the men), of course they probably were american figures, who arguably are much more violent than the nice europeans and asians, but I assume these figures speak for themselves. And the book wasn't too clear about healing, the spiritual, and the reason for wanting truth (for freedom) and the one that calls Himself the truth. And there was a book on Bill Graham, his life, ministry, meeting with the other Bill (Clinton) and such, nothing to earth shattering.

I've read more cutting books on 'the power of christ', 'the name of Jesus', 'the world of the lawless one', 'the tower of Basel', the cfr, etc. that at least deal with some of the real issues. I'd say fresh christians would like to know what the hell goes on in the spiritual when Christ frees them from their former life, what others have experienced in the areas of becoming free, experiencing the power of God, even in miracles, not to forget his love and care for them, and what they can expect to have to deal with, why they can still feel bad, and why. A thing I vividly remember reading about, and which is simply very scriptural, it was even so for Jesus, who supoosedly was without sin and even divine, is that people that wanted to 'walk with Christ' (thugh that term requires explanation and testing) during the rest of their lives had to deal with a very essential issue: obedience to what God wants. Evidently, that is the whole essence of the reverse of 'sin', but it seems to me that (non-) christianity as a whole has sought for eveything except that.

I realy think that it was because of disobedience to God that mankind became sinful by nature, and most likely (its also in the greek of the new testament) through one man (and woman), whoever that was exactly. 'On the day that you shall eat of the fruit of the tree I forbade you to eat from, you will surely die.' I realy think that death is something that God has instituted as a form of 'that is enough', and in an active sense. So that it is not something that simply escapes His powers (as it is with deamons and people that want to play little gods) but something that He has instituted both as pnusihment and as safe-guard for too much accumulating misery.

That is an important observation (of scriptural teaching), or starting point for thinking about life-and-everything, because it also makes God (the Father) decide on what he wants with the lucky persons that find his son and therefore can startr to personally live after his will. He can decide to continue with someone, or to eventualy even cut them off from His life when he realy disagrees with their disobedience, and even let them die when they sin the sin to death. Those are hard words, and I'm sure they are meant for serious situations, God is not pityful (at least that's not how he appears to me in writing or actions), and knows one's background and difficulties, but it is the almighty, all-knowing, just and holy God we're dealing with, so one would better not try to mess with Him or what is his.

Ad his children must learn obedience. For what reason? To a tyrants' every whimp? No. Because he is worth obeying, and most likely it is worth while in the whole picture to follow him, because the world and all its glory are his, his own will inherit the earth, and supposedly even reign as kings, and he usually seems to want to give unimaginably much more that man thinks (ask those jews in old testament for solutions on a world scale that could have made them fellow rulers over the whole 'western' world including a solution for their personal heart, which, just like everyone elses' was inclined to evil). Quotes from scripure, btw (loose ones, but still). So it is trust he asks, and even of Jesus it sais that he needed to learn obedience through His suffering, though I'm not sure what the greek there signifies exactly, it is not hard to imagine that when tha almighty God becomes your father it is most logical that he can decide over ones' life, because he is best at knowing what his creatures need, and how they (eventually) end up in the best place and manner in his plans.

Does that mean God should be a slave-commander? Paul seemed to think that was best for him at times. In general I'd say following someone that is loved and loves is not at all necessarily equal to become a slave-like person, and it is not hard to imagine that god can be imagined to be capable of providing enough living, breathing and identity space for any human being, but since there is also talk of things to be achieved through Jesus' own, it can be imagined also that it is worth while following him in circumstances that do not immedeately do justice to all of ones' capabilities to achieve something more valuable than possible at a certain time. When one is at war, there is also talk of suffering for a (hopefully justified and good and worth-while) purpose.  The only sensible relation between a God who is almighty anyhow, and one of his creatures that he has justified through his son and by the righteous and good deeds that they are capable of doing after he changed their heart through his holy Spirit is a relationship of (preferably mutual) trust, which is the normal translation of the greek word translated in new testament as 'faith'. The results of doing Gods wil, also his wil for our personal lives (he has a plan for every person that finds him, that corresponds with the personality he has given them) is called 'fruit' in NT, and in various forms those fruits (according to his will, not the things people seem to want rewards for, such as being nice, however relevant than may be at times) are the things Christ wants and will reward when he will meet all the ones God has chosen already before the foundation fo the world before returning to earth.

I read various books when I personally felt addressed by the christ I read about, and the main thing that seemed to surface from that is that there is a lot of evil out there, and that the christians I read about were very aware that they could, miraculously even, overcome their problems and continue their faith life because they continued to ive according to His will. They knew he is god not them, and that they could err only so much, or he wouldn't be in the centre of their lives, and they would go astray. Not that a person after having realy accepted Christ can ever be lost to be away from him in eternity, and not that not in almost every circumstance one can get back to Christ and be forgiven for evil, but chosing against gods will for ones' life will make the holy spirit withdraw in the inner part of ones' new being without much activity or effect or fruit. Of course god like a good father wil exhort and even punish his real children, because he wants them to have what He has in store for them, but as in a real relation: there is choice, a person that gd has restored in contact with him actually does have a personal choice between good and evil, and wil\ find God acts accordingly. And of course being a father person too, his demands on his own will change with progression of time.

A little thing about the almost always being able to be forgiven: when a person knowingly and willingly goes against the holy spirit and does so after realy knowing how bad that is and after having been for into their christian lifes having gotten to know Him, and thus seriously sinning directly to Someone they intimately know realy well, they cannot simply be 'set free' from that behaviour: when that trust on the highest level is so seriously broken by them, trust needs to be built up again, and everything cannot simply be made right by being sorry and asking Him to forgive. I  don't doubt that even then he is mercyfull, but it than is not the same. I guess the woman in revelation was on the verge of that, by teaching christs' children to whore. And there is sin to death, of course, but thats easy: than you die, just like Anais ans Saphira (in Acts). After all: God is God.

This diary page is there for two reasons: I thought it might be of use, and it is a very relevant factor in my life, both to want to follow the one that I consider worthy to follow and to want to know what the best way of going about things is, in other words what he wants from me. Because I have so relatively little tagible information about what has been and is going on around me and peopl I want to love, it is often (now too) hard to discern if I do correctly follow him. I wouldn't like to be mistaking about that.