Theo Verelst Diary Page

Mon Oct 22 2001, 12:10 PM

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.

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Last weeks page

First a page I didn't put on yet I made some time ago already, Then one I did last weekend, and I'll start adding a quite worth while Jimi Hendrix quote, in text form (I actually typed the thing in from a book hang on if you wanna go right now).

Mon 2 Oct 2001, 12:06 PM

As a recent comment, I found out last week that netradio put a sign on their site that they've after 6 years or so not longer found it in themselves to broadcast music over their server, unfortunately. I didn't know that when I wrote this.

I want my netradio

I was on the web but for days I've not been able to get netradio to connect up, donno why. Not that it is an essential of life, but good enough music is, and usually browsing over a few of my favorite channels does the job of finding some of that comfortably enough , but it seems not even their website is reasable over the tiscali provider link I tried recently. Nothing horrible, it just makes clear how simple enough ideas (click on the browser or player) can easily be found to be recognised for their relative importance. Unless maybe I'd have a truckload of CDs lying around myself.

'op de wijze van' lets see, what is that in english, I'll use the relative luxury of looking it up on the web, its from the heading of various psalms, in conjunction with for the leader of the musicians (choir it sais in dutch).

Anyhow, there is a need for christian expressive songs which are after the way of 'fuck you, I will NOT do as you tell me', which is not to invoke rebellion, which I think rarely can make it to the point of such a heartfelt expression, but against, the whore in spirit, the beast, its followers, liars who agree with the evil in the evil spiritual and worldly systems, and all that wants people to give up the authority over the lives, the will to love good and dislike at least what is evil and convince them that the baal or God knows what other demonically inspired diety or its equivalent needs more sacrifice of kinds that only call for such strong responses; FUCK that, I will NOT live the way that all would tell me and want me to acknowledge as if it was Gods holy will if it would have the chance.

That is not dreaming of californication in a nice enough way, that stuff is evil, and it shouldn't get across the threshold of normal and established human behaviour. Listening to after a sort of local pointer by, as she invented the name I think, 'camgirl', I though about the mildly babylonic though heavily danming idea that heaven is a place where nothing ever happens (not as in 'you won't go to the ball' as I covered years ago)

Cold hard programming?

I've downloaded, amoung other things, java 1.3 (or 4? the latest experimental one, including the swing stuff), and put it on a reasonably old windows 95 machine and also on a reasonable windows 2000 (server) one, which works enough as far as I tested, the example run and the compiler seems to work.

A heavier test is that I've added the j2ee suite, of which that various servers indeed run as well and the database application in it, based on sql and a form of jsp can be made to run fine enough, which puts the machine with it on it in at least the forefield of softwareland in such area, which is fun enough.

Obviously, I still think the same about the sort of unlogicalness of compiling programs into an interpreted (virtual) code, and the OO paradigm is only as good as it goes. A solid unix process with optimized memory usage, low overhead task switcher, well running process pool and good memory management and programming habits, THAT is some object. Add a good virtual or other memory management system, and it might even run
forever, though adding all existing multi media libs may give it a pretty big library need also. Along with a watertight low level multi user infrastructure (ask any mini of decades ago, even the ones under a megabyte), that could be solved with a well interfaced possibly dynamically linked, shared library, which is indeed rentrant so it can be shared by having only a copy of the actual functions needed once. What am I gonna say, bill went to harvard when I was a kid, and they've even got a processor architecture named after their uni.

Computers can be more than enough perfectly safe, I'm sure, the systems made around, by or with their programming can probably at best end up human enough. engineering perfectly uncrackable computers, apart form obvious password trouble is doable enough, I'd say, but not when one doesn't well-engineer the whole thing, that's in the direction of trying to prove darwin was essentially right and logical circuits grow from trees by nature, and every now and then a million transistors just happen to take on the connection pattern of a pentium look alike by mere chance when you mess about a bit with electronic design packages...

The windows 2000 media server seems at least some fun enough, i could record my own playing on the vintage equipment software simulators I got demo versions from, encode that signal in decent enough mpeg sound file, and even real time minus delay tap the same signal from a clientwise connected windows media player running on the same node, which makes for a very complicated delay scheme. At least it should make life broadcast near possible enough. The quality is a la mpeg, which at least is practically usefull,

Is heaven paradise? Some boston internet repeated or targetted station made me think about their lets say progressiveness in the sense that music seems to be free yet often so boring, undemanding or truly filled or making a point good enough to actually listen that the idea that some rock and other influences are fine and good enough when not ill intended is wrong, singing songs about life must make the listener at least aware that mother f* ing and sort of waivering along and not acknowledging the truth that rock realy was about something profound, clear and hopefully worth it is realy wrong. Not as in lets go down there and kill hitler, or death to child abusers and sacrificers, but as in what would happen if we'd rewrite history and pretend 60's music and all didn't 'realy' happen, vietnam was just a bad dream, and pearl harbor did not end with nagasagi. The latter statement of course pushing things a bit.

fuck them i will NOT DO AS THEY TELL ME is a STATEMENT, lets see, a strong statement, that should not be met with yeah yeah little boy we know, now you've said your thing, or some provincial statement like I think I once read sarcasically in my former university local paper 'isn't it wonderfull that he stayed so normal and a nice boy'. No mummy, it is not, it messes up your life just the same way to become pathetic at least when you decide on wanting to make it that unreal or miserable. There is no way out of that problem in your way, when live is betrayed to begin with, it will never work as right as it should. never. I'm sure. Which means that the tree so many seem to have grown accustomed to by its fruits unmistakably and irrevocably I think shows what it can be recognized to be, without a chance for those who willingly have lived in a lie or delusion or even a great treasurous evil to claim that robbery and sneakishness and a mouth of talk about storming the heavans and being almost like the real son of god

The expression to me comes form I think TC or movie stuff where some no-one-should-try-to mess-with-me-any-furter probably not all to arian person makes clear to a clearly not over his (or maybe her) head person that he or she is actually NOT intended to go along with some suggestion and means it to the point of lets say arms or even serious injury if such without such clear statement could succome to. Probably police series or movies were the reason for such images in my memory. It seems some people who are taken for quite something, and who seem to think themselves quite developed have not even the capacity to understand the forcing logic of such situations. Maybe they are bred in babylon enough to be able to be stupid enough to indeed think it great when their heart is ripped out and they can laugh about it, in sort of a horrible sacrifical sense that could only exist with some stupid and deluded enough to think that such demonically inspired attitude is in fact a lot more elevated than the equivalent unilluminated african medicineman's deamon enchanting or counter bewitching of before even the middle ages.

Hello, knock knock, message coming trough. It might be that when people continuously remind eachother that those dark circuits of course always rule in the end and can evidently never be even challenged let alone defeated, so evil and miserable mariages with them or others must exist, lives under the authorithy of the thing the nazis seem to have only given some place in their imagination and certainly not in the whole of lives can never be tought the constitutional freedom concept also explicitly part of the dutch constitution

So how am I going to explain my interpretation of for instance 'remedy' (black crowes, 95 or so) with aforementioned kinds of 'people' and systems and spirits even being given the benefit of security about their practical ruling without even much space for challenge by people too numb, deluded, sick or undeserving of such mercy ?

I saw a movie with reagan in it some time ago, in spite of some interesting women roles and maybe a good enough production, that sucked, probably it should, I don't think i want to have any trust with that... I'm sure that jefferson and lincoln were against all the kinds of evil that were in the world than, too, and that at least in modern comparison they won more than enough to at least be taken serious against the various kinds of hidden and sometimes blatantly not so hidden evils in this world, which I think is good. And that i live in a country where lets say formally I should be free and fine enough according to its official consitution, which fortunately would still have to be changed to let nazis officially rule in any way at all here, even though I'm sure there are kinds that would still welcome them the same way as happend only half a century ago, and betray anything worthwile to arrive at some unholy senseless braindead sacrifice they themselves can't even understand.

Yesterday I in fact had a good enough weekend, I did some browsing, working and entertaining, spoke with some people and even played some (open stage) jazz and funk-like music, which is nice to do. Why is it that there is so little cognitive resonance as I remember for isntance from my highschool with for instance 'satisfaction', 'another brick in the wall'.

I used to think nirvana was actually close to the lowest possibilities of still making a name for a band with usefull meaning, as in the last deal that would still be acceptable to be a sort of rock or pop band with some self esteem about being rooted in at least the idea that the world can be changed. From my general knowledge nirvane means 'a place where
pearl jam must also refer to a brand of cymbal, which means something like 'I'll focus on this nice noisy ride or crash or

Listening to (looking it up in the other, older 'live connected' screen) bill goldsmith from the same paradise radio I am reminded of the beatle's (is that comma s, s comma, s comma s, or s comma ?) eastern escapade, where there must have been stuff enough to beatle in or with, which of course is a total mistake as looking for a solution for the worlds problems.

How would one understand what 'i was made for loving you' in close to hardrock language actually means when neither the statements value nor the possible meaning of such music is clear. That would be debasing and horrible sacrifice of masses which is prevented by the music being clear and appealing enough, though I'm convinved that many 'modern' house guys can't even listen to a serious or even moderate blues song without instantaneous and serious emotional overload of their brain circuits. Not that that is illegal, and I'm sure knowing what the world is about is seriously miserable, but not all is evil and miserable, so why focus only on badness when development is at stake. That mother whore in spirit or horribly physical sense I'm sure doesn't top off or get part in a rolling stones concert, and probably neither does the nazi 'thing', 'gestalt' or whatever stupid other idol made by mans insipid and intelligence insulting (and not much more) imagination. 'Realy there is something actually working in my spirit, and we're all gonna rule the world by it'. Sure, sucker.

'Name'. As in officicer having pulled you off the road, got themselves next to your side window, and making only the necessary bow to be seen and heared before the offical licence check and all needed or found appropriate by the party obviously in authority is going to be brought forward. A slightly condescending just to make sure tone and short language, to make sure its clear this is work and there is going to be no messing, and I don't feel in the mood or situation to be explicitly nice or anything else than the just needed.

'asjkld ea t and also ,sd fop f '.

'Name', forcefull a bit this time. little pause and more crap as answer.

Snappy, decidaded and just a little manly enough for the last time: ' Name ' ...


Oh no, not another. How many deamons are there, and how many have crawled out of that pit they can be sent to of the boringly common kind? Which in fact they soon all are, their intelligence and thinking levels are quite limited I'm positive.

But the 'thing' can actually speak! So can my computer, and that doesn't elevate me much necessarily either, though the latest builtin windows reader is certainly lame enough to be at least good for a little entertainment, and the thing that nazi's, satanists, lying christian lookalikes including catholics by choice pray to and want salvation from is not funny, and certainly not interesting. In any way at all. Dead boring, and the fruits of it are dead obvious as usually in any occult or adulterous spirit world, where the power of everything except the holy spirit and the truly made alive spirits of man who are in the authority that goes with the right application of the word of God is completely not empowered to even see thew kingdom of God who is God and almighty and not some power sucher without a body just as greedy for a name, a position, a life and ackowledgement of a lie which makes them like a god as any miserable sucker of a human being who projects everything such that their making it to some top is the best thing that could ever happen to the world and anyone who wants to know it. Not that they create or created much, but I guess they are appealed by the idea of sitting themselves in some temple and being called god at least once in their life..

The latest new york review of books has an article, which unfortunatly is not present on their web verion, with some

About that david and his influence

The son of God, that almost rediculous concept, in pathetically perverted form present also in babylonic thinking thousands of years ago, most probably to not have to subdue to the actual Gods promise, was promised as physical descendant of the old testament jewish king of the physical and historic israel: David. Not having been without condemnation he can still at least be taken for a person who for major times and portions of his life led a life in accordance with wath Jaweh had given, and a remarkable person in various essential ways. As a sideremark, God seems to have found it right or acceptable that His son be born from wedlock, his major famous beginning of ancestry in kingly sense be a woman david seems to have wanted by seeing her bath and taking her away from another person probably empregnating her without marriage, though I'm not sure, and as it follows clear enough from all translations I'm aware of having more than a few women besides her at the time too, as it seems with not just Gods' consent but even in His will.

David was some time before Plato and other famous greek writers, and I'm sure inspiration streams of such kinds are at stake in historic sense, here.

Psa 58:1 [[To the chief Musician, Altaschith, Michtam of David.]] Do ye indeed speak righteousness, O congregation? do ye judge uprightly, O ye sons of men?

Psa 58:2 Yea, in heart ye work wickedness; ye weigh the violence of your hands in the earth.

Psa 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

Psa 58:4 Their poison [is] like the poison of a serpent: [they are] like the deaf adder [that] stoppeth her ear;

Psa 58:5 Which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely.

Psa 58:6 Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth: break out the great teeth of the young lions, O LORD.

Psa 58:7 Let them melt away as waters [which] run continually: [when] he bendeth [his bow to shoot] his arrows, let them be as cut in pieces.

Psa 58:8 As a snail [which] melteth, let [every one of them] pass away: [like] the untimely birth of a woman, [that] they may not see the sun.

Psa 58:9 Before your pots can feel the thorns, he shall take them away as with a whirlwind, both living, and in [his] wrath.

Psa 58:10 The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.

Psa 58:11 So that a man shall say, Verily [there is] a reward for the righteous: verily he is a God that judgeth in the earth.

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, there is nothing new under the sun:

Psa 10:1 Why standest thou afar off, O LORD? [why] hidest thou [thyself] in times of trouble? The wicked in [his] pride doth persecute the poor: let them be taken in the devices that they have imagined. For the wicked boasteth of his heart's desire, and blesseth the covetous, [whom] the LORD abhorreth. The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek [after God]: God [is] not in all his thoughts. His ways are always grievous; thy judgments [are] far above out of his sight: [as for] all his enemies, he puffeth at them. He hath said in his heart, I shall not be moved: for [I shall] never [be] in adversity. His mouth is full of cursing and deceit and fraud: under his tongue [is] mischief and vanity. He sitteth in the lurking places of the villages: in the secret places doth he murder the innocent: his eyes are privily set against the poor. He lieth in wait secretly as a lion in his den: he lieth in wait to catch the poor: he doth catch the poor, when he draweth him into his net. He croucheth, [and] humbleth himself, that the poor may fall by his strong ones. He hath said in his heart, God hath forgotten: he hideth his face; he will never see [it]. Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up thine hand: forget not the humble. Wherefore doth the wicked contemn God? he hath said in his heart, Thou wilt not require [it]. Thou hast seen [it]; for thou beholdest mischief and spite, to requite [it] with thy hand: the poor committeth himself unto thee; thou art the helper of the fatherless. Break thou the arm of the wicked and the evil [man]: seek out his wickedness [till] thou find none. The LORD [is] King for ever and ever: the heathen are perished out of his land. LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear: To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may no more oppress.

Aren't the images in revelation representative for Gods way of dealing with the incredible kinds of evil fallen man seems to want to come up with, where every normal or humanly logical way is made into something strange, illogical, stupid or even laughable, and with such rigor and to utter consequence such that every outside viewer most conclude someone made things mess up and mixed together that way for the utter and unbendable purpose of showing the stupidity , insipidness, utter condemnedness and uselessness of sin, and its utter judgement by the same one that lets it be that way, unto death?

I'n not certain, but thinking about abusive families, maffia structures, fake religeous leaders, the spiritual as originating probably from the time of the fall of satan (I read there is new book from rushdy, and this long after the condemnation of the islamic religeous roots, the subject seems to have not changed), who seems to want to forget creations order of beings cannot be undone even by a succesfull coup, whores, slaves, pimps and abusiveness, exploitation of subordinates, honour and rediculous idols and their rites, it seems that nothing much makes sense the way it is and the way revelation makes it clear, except that God takes his damnation and plans clear.

Sun 21 Oct 2001, 13:34 PM

Some time has passed since the last diary page, not because I haven't been working or in some direct peril, it just didn't feel right or I didn't sit down to take time for that, though it may be of relevance. I know I've been at times reading some which I found relevant, though my motivation is that at least there is a way for some I may not even be near to when they want find out what I think in an orderly enough, though not thesis form.

I've been quite computeractive, which isn't bad, normally, and at least my experience list has gained significant fashionable experience items, though my home page curriculum didn't get updated with them yet. Seriously, so this guy can built computer circuits that work, be at least amoung world top theoretical physisists, and he must prove he can operate photoshop or lets say some package I don't indeed also know, too, to make sure the advertisers of the world cannot reject him to make a small ton of money in computers? This world is crazy, not me...

Windows 2000

Taking a 350 or so pentium standard client machine from my (currently) volonteer job, I created another partition on its about 6G disc, grabbed a 2000 server CD from below, an official one, with key that is, and started installing, some weeks I think ago, which in fact didn't go bad, installationwise. Contrary to when a few years ago I installed red hat, the installer has possibilities to to some extend flexibly deal with partitions, though I'm not sure it can split then, so I made another partition beside the windows 95 client installation which I left intact, which I put most 2000 stuff on, and then another, which I only recently formatted for additional data.

As I said, the install went fine enough, and the machine runs ok enough to indeed take as server machine, in the beginning doubling as client machine, with automatic startup menu in now set to autostart 2000 after a few seconds. Restarting 2000 server isn't funny, that takes nearly halfway forever, but then again, thus far it needed only a handfull of real reboots, I think, due to real error, and some more for half or suspected errors, and of course for installs and simply not to let the machine eat power overnight for no reason.

I yesterday read about a linux based multiprocessor system whichi supposedly had their nodes running for many months, doing all kinds of parallel computations, without ever having rebooted... I don't think I'd try that with microsoft inside, but then again, as a server it can operate. As an advanced example, last week I had a media encoder serve one or two client with real time encoded audio streams, feeding it with a realplayer source, proxied by the windows 95 machine, connected to the web over ISDN, and it worked for hours, no problem, which is on a 95 machine can easily be, there the encoder and decoder crash more then infrequently for no better reasons than me not minding the windows builtup and refresh cpu cycle assignment combined with my operation patterns.

This 2000 does routing and internet serving and database (still need to put on sql server), which are the next targets, I got its two network interfaces to work fine enough now, but routing another machine on the second network to the proxy server didn't immedeately succeed as simple as lets say changing file access permissions on a directory (isn't ntfs the same or similar as unix had like, 15 years ago?)

Windows itself is throughseeable enough, though for me, which is not at all to say it is transparent, it isn't, though having all processes on a row and all server components reasonably configurable over windows in interation time, regularly even, is not badness.

Tcl again?

Why not, getting boring? I put a random recent version on windows 2000, I'll bet I could even remote execute it over a file system of choice, for instance over the windows client to an older 95 modest disc system with all the internet goodies on it (thus far), which is even more fun over the cywin bash shell.

As usual, it installed also on 2000 straight away and easily, and it runs my applications also straight away, for instance bwise, but also pcom, the file exchange and chat tcl/tk program downloadable on my pages, runs straight away, even by double clicking it to start up. Making a connection to another party also with pcom worked easy enough once the network worked, lets say when it pings pcom also works, which is even handy at times, and certainly proof the way of working can be fruitfull.

The tcl webserver I've tried in various varieties, straight from its distribution, which does take some library householding, it works fine on 2000, it serves well, fast enough too. I put the hebrew and greek typing windows extension on, and presto: real time internet serving of greek and hebrew texts.

Also, I downloaded a trial version of infocetera, which works quite well in fact, for setting up a hosting site, it may be a good choice, though its server engine requires and extension to tcl, and it is commercial after 30 days.

A small network

It took some effort, but I'm at least starting to get acquinted enough with the combination of windows software and some of the obligatory network interfacing for serious work. Where I am, there is an intranet of moderate size, without internet, basically, where I too connect with and shouldn't mess, though must test, with. And there is the almighty link with the rest of the outside world, the internet, in this case over isdn, at first on an older, experimentation, machine.

Obviously, the two might connect, and for that reason, the 2000 server received an additional network card, and without real reason, except that some cable crossing activities remained only partially fruitfull, a little 4 outlet 10baseT hub, while the w95 150 MHz machine was upgraded with a network card just the same, which in the end, though I must say that took some thinking and work, which shouldn't have been there with a few proper manuals or books, happily take part in data exchange of about 1Mbyte per second windows file sharing, both ways, and tcp-ip connections of various kinds, including from my own programs, and of real media stream kind.

Mon 22 Oct 2001, 12:21 PM

In the library (uni one) I've typed over a piece of Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton conversation, it's not the whole qoute yet, but its the major part.

An note that this page is coming to you over infranet and proxyserver, which works fine now for anything (including ftp) except certain types of realplayer streams.

Jimi: You can't take away the effect. You may not want to. I may not
want to. ... You might have to stay at a place now, you know, but you
don't necessarily have to live here for the rest of your life, though.
Do you expect to do this for the rest of your life in the same place?
I mean, you know, the same scenery. Walking down the same street to go
to the same office. Regardless if you're making a million dollars. Oh
okay, I'll say a million pound. But still this thing-catch yourself
for a second- you're walking down the same street for thirty years,
man, punching in the same clock. You might even be the whole president
of it, you might even one o'clock in the afternoon. 'Cause you the
president of this business that you made up.

Voice 1: Well it comes a time when you got to stop.

Voice 2: When it comes to terms, well then you got
to stop

Jimi: Well, definately. Well. I haven't reached that yet, you know.
I got a chance to make recordings to five hundred pounds
a week. Now who wants to spend one place going to the same studio
and do this for the rest of their lives? My life doesn't go ike that.
If I got a gig doing five hundred pounds a week, and I got bored, I'm
gonna quit it, man, and go on to something else. But still I'd try
to get into something, you know.

Quite naturally you have to make bread in order to live. ...
My own opinion of making bread is secondary. ... You know, I keep
saying these things over and over again. I'm just trying to clear
the point that making bread is not that much to me. It's only the
necessary things I need. Like, I see a pretty scarf, I might want
to get. I get it. Like I see a jacket-you know ... As far as going
out and saving bread ... and set up money ... setting up a contract
and say that when I get to be sixty-five I get the residuals and
have so much money coming in ... You see-it's little things like that

I want to see the North Pole, I want to see the South Pole. I want to see
this mountain so they say they have in the South Pole. I want to see Moscow,
you know. I want to witness a slight bit of pain of what I hear about. Which
might not even come about. Because it might be all propaganda. No, I
don't want to witness it for too long as it ws gonna hurt me.
Physically, I want to witness. ...

This is America -the heat you sweat and you be so wet ... underground ...
I want to witness this for at least about a minute or two.

Clapton: ... to witness it, man, for months and realy die, you know-that's
the way. I'd die a million times. You know when I was ...

Jimi: (interrupting) ... Well over a million times walking through London.
Or even around the capital of London, you fall in love a thousand times
a day. You know, I look at the girls, you know. But. after I guess about
after an hour after we get completely wound up and then you ...

Voice 1: interrupting) Yeah, but you should never ... because this is an
immediate hangup. ...

Jimi: But there's not-it's not nothing deep, it won't  ...
there's no pain in falling in love for a second or even for three minutes.
See it takes an average person, a girl, to walk-somebody you might really
dig by sight, you know-from a departmant store to a restaurant and you might
wait for a red light. I mean like three minutes ...
So there's no harm in falling in love that one second. For the rest of your
live you fall in love. Dig, listen what I say now, you say, boy a I want
to marry her, I don't even know her number, first time I ever seen her
in whole life-I just seen her on the street. But then after, okay man, you
go to the third workout, she's on your mind continuous-so beautiful.
Then you're back to your only self again. So you shouldn't say you don't
want to go and see my gigs cause it's so good to indulge the beauty of a
girl you've never seen before. But it's not the last girl. You don't have
to let something life that hang you up. Especially by eyesight, because
that's nothing but memories.

Voice 2: What happens when you meet them?

Jimi: O.K. if you meet them or something, that's _social_. I'm not talking
about meeting them, I'm talking about _seeing_ them. You see a girl in a
green coat and purple suede shoes prancing on the corner-not over there
[laughter]-well anyway, you know, so you fall in love right there in a
_second_. I'd go down on her. I'd do _anything_ ... _But_ after fifteen
minutes you're down in another part of the street going toward your office
that you intend in the first place and then you fell a love for this person-
and that's beautiful because at least you still have your own mind.
If you have any kind of imaginary mind it's saying that you belong to
earth and earth only. That's all you can say. You belong to the people-
the people go out to you. That's all you can say. You can't go by
commercial values. And then, plus, you have to say to yourself, "Well,
I realy don't mind this person 'cause I might change my own self. So
why change and then gonna be hurting on this, you know?" ... When it's
time for you to die you gotta do it all by yourself. Nobody's going to
help you. Sweet words don't help nobody. That's nothing but just audio,
you know, nothin' but ears, something that you hear. So you have to do
it by yourself, s quite naturally ... You can owe yourself to somebody.
You can owe yourself to somebody. You can give yourself to somebody.
You can take yourself away from somebody if you want to. But in a split
second-because don't forget-it's _your_ life.
All complete in your life. You understand? O.K., you have the privilege
to get hung up over somebody. But still you yourself have the privilege
to get _un_hung up over somebody. As soon as possible, if you want it
to be as soon as possible. At any time, man. It's your own life. Freedom
is the key word to this whole thing, and people don't understand
that because their brains are too complex, they can't understand that.
Imagination and creation are the key words to this whole earth. Why do
you think you have a great part in your brain as to where you can be
creative, as to where you can help your own? Like, why do you think that
every single human being on this earth is so different than every
other one-in one way or another, you know? There's a purpose behind this.
It's because everybody has their own ways, they can do exactly what
they want. Marriage, marriage, and other artificial forms that have been
passed down generation to generation, say it's bad to make love to girl
or whore, or cross to the other side when you've been going berserk for
three years ... that is nothing but artificial rules. For instance, this
is a very elementary for instance, but I say, but anybody would
understand, right?

Clapton: What do you need for someone to love you because you've got your
own bag? What do I need for someone to love me because I got all my
own self to keep me going? ... the people that don't create because you
feel that want to show them and teach them something and they destroy
you because they can't understand you.

Jimi: That's right. Because if you get too hung up amoung them ... because
if your mind is too way out ... but we take it we're talking about
conventional people ...

Chrissie: Am I here? ...

Jimi: Don't be stupid. You are here. (laughter)

   (Chrissie talks over the converstion and all voice mix temporarily)

Jimi: Anyway, that's the voice of Christine. Lovely Christine.

   (here the tape is confused-switching on and off amid banter and
    laughter of Jimi, Chrissiem and the others)

Jimi: She is so groovy. Some girls can be so sweet. ...

Voice 2: Is that the girl who always answers the bell at your flat?

Jimi: That's Chas's girlfriend. She's very pretty. I mean pretty in the

Voice 2: She always sounds as if she's just got out of bed. Every time
she answers the phone.

Jimi: Yeah, she's Swedish. She has this accent-an accent slightly ...

Voice 2: Yeah, I know. It didn't distract me at all.

Jimi: ... I find out-even when I get sober I find out that I tell more
of the truth on my own self when I am like this than when I'm sober.
Music an life-the flow-goes so closely, it's sort of like a parallel
that is going like this [apparently illustrating the point to everybody]
very roughly, but it's still such a parallel.

Voice 2: But it fascinates me that you would get through life without
even beginning to play or understand music. ...

Jimi: but the reason is that they may not know. You see, music is a form
of life itself and these people don't know. Like some people could tell
you, "I don't know nothing about music." O.K., they don't know nothing
about music, but still music enters their life some kind of way. In some
ways they don't even know. As where they feel they're acting because of
some kind of artificial means. But relaxation and music plays such an
important part in their lives. They say, "Oh yea, we remember the classics."
They say it as if classics are no with us-they consider it as something
else. But music is nobody's soul. Something from somebody's real heart.
You know, that theyt could really express by notes. Right now, people
be expressing music by long hair, you know? Where you get a lot-like
this song called "One Mile Long" for instance. There's different ways.
Music is the whole life. People don't know it, but they ... in music even
if they work in a bank. Music, man, it means so many things. It doesn't
mean necessarily physical notes that you hear by ear. It could be notes
that you hear by feeling or thought or by imagination or even by emotions.
You know that's all there is.

Voice 2: That's all there is. Is that all there is to you?

Jimi: Nothing but music  ... life ... that's all.

Voice 1: That's great.

Clapton: I am going to be a millionaire. I plan to buy myself huge cars.
i sort of brings ou down terribly. At the same time I have a kind of idea that
money is kinda necessary.

Jimi: Yeah. Quite naturally it's going to be kinda necessary to do these things.
But you know basic ... money around what you want to do, right? It's a thing-not
like saying, by the time I get to forty-two and I have three months and a half
for my birthday ... by the time I get to forty two I plan to have a million
pounds in the bank. It isn't like that with me. I don't think-it might not
be like that with you, you know. Instead of saying I want a million pounds
like that, I say, by the time I get to forty-two no telling what happens
but I hope I can still remember it: how I'm living now and what I do before
and between now and forty-two, you know. It's a thing like that. Money, wow!
Money is commercial. Human beings make money. I almost hate human beings
as a certain thing that's making these beautiful ideas and commercial values
like money, like real estate, and like this and that, this and this-the same
old stuff. You see, human beings are so screwed. They are the most complicated
animals on the earth and probably the ones who are ruling the earth. Excuse me
for hanging on this. ... Just in case anybody can hear the guitar in the
background, that's me playing ... starving ... [laughing], anyway getting
right back, you can let money rule, you have to rule money the way you want
to use it.

Voice 1: ... two cats who say that their talent is making money and that's
waht they want to do, they want to make money.

Jimi: Yeah, O.K., I'll tell you what. I want to make the money as where I can live
when I get bald, you know-when all these curls fall out and the teasing and
the hair spray and what they call all those things I do with my hair-when
all this shit falls out I want to get that money, get that money to hold me
together to do  what I want to do in _life_. Not my life toward money. Listen,
knowing that you can get it on with a girl and really get it on with a girl-so
much of a contrast, so different, man. Like wooing with, hee-hee, you can
probably figure out ... might be so beautiful there, you know.

Clapton: But what really hangs me up 0s-isn't the girl because, I mean, she's
a great girl, she's having  good time, and as far as my concern, that's really
great. What hangs me up is attitude-I mean loot at me ... she doesn't even
sort of ... but she says hello ... but she's got no craft. Except attention
gets fantastic, life feels like an extraordinary game of cards, that strangers
can be lovers but friends are hardly friends at all.

Jimi: (interrupting) Oh beautiful!

Clapton: (continuing) ... and it's sort of strange you know, and this is sort
of entirely something I can't understand it. And this is what hangs me up,
not knowing, not understanding, you know.

Jimi: O.K. Like this girl I know named Christine, like you know, I know this girl
named Christine, and she's so beautiful , her mind so together. But see, I don't
even want to get cought up to her actually, you know. It's because  of the
thing that, I don't know what it is, it might be a phase in my life, it might
be something else ... it's not that I'm hoggish, but want to have this freedom
feeling regardless of what comes to me good or bad, you know. Like we can be
going together-going together is so beautiful. But dig, there are some things
I couldn't _explain_. Like ... I want to be with her _all_ the time, possibly.
I want her and I ho to the show. And different things. Just do different things.
I like to take her anywhere I go like South America, Canada-regardless,
America ... wherever it is. But man, I might get stoned completely out of
my mind, you know [laughter]. Completely. And then also I might go in this
funny other bag she might not understand. She might understand it, but I can
suss it through that she might not. And if she ... All human beings are selfish
to a certain extent ... to be .. you know ... just ... up and keep talking
about being free and stuff. And she just doesn't understand this ... it might
even last for three minutes, it might last for five ...

Clapton: ... One day you gonna wake up ... and it's all ... gonna be gone.
Because this was ... the way I felt at the time, and I changed my life
anyway ... and she realy couldn't understand. ... She says, "Please darling,
please say goodbye before you go."

Jimi: Aw ... do this and do that.

Clapton: You wake up early, you know. ... Yeah, people don't understand that you
want to be free. And the thing is, you see, what is unfair about this is, I said
it to her at the beginning and it hung her up. At the end she left me and it
destroyed me. Because I had become her and she had become me ...

Jimi: Beautiful, beautiful ... oh God, that happens to me so much. Like O.K.,
first of all, when you-when you know what it realy is? It's a thing like when
you know you can have somebody-just being very very frank-you can be, you can
like a person, but that person, like when they're around, you say, "Ah well,
I dig this girl, and all this. But dig this sitting at the bar,or dig this
sitting about three feet away from the bandstand-outasight."
_But_ deep down inside-this doesn't come out then-but deep down inside you can
say, "Yeah, well, I'm digging this other girl, but she's digging me, too,
you know. So you know, let me go on and you know cop this what's sitting
at the bar or three feet from the stage." And then quite naturally the bitch
is gonna call me anyway, you know, so I say, "Well, you know, baby, it's a
thing like so such ... you could really love somebody ... but you still
might mess around, you know, and you might ... "

Voice 2: Aren't you caught man, by the fact that you're Jimi Hendrix? You're
the guy that magazines are going to talk about. And say ...

Jimi: (interrupting) I don't know anything about that.

VOice 2: (continuing) ... but listen, man, this makes sense. Because, like,
remember this group called the Mersey Beat or someting. They got completely
blown-the whole scene just fell apart-because one day they said, "Well, listen,
man, you know, we see these chicks and we think, 'Great!'" So now it's great
and tomorrow is no good. Because this is the way _everybody_ feels. I mean it's
just the way we all go. We like a girl one night and you don-t like her the
next-and and the girls are the same. But suddenly these guys were caught by
the fact that they were in the public eye ... this is what frightens me ...
I don't want to be friend. ...
(tape skips suddenly)

Clapton:  But I think she's realy nice because she digs my work. ... I had her
in my flat for three hours and she didn't sort of get bugged at all. Now, the
point is that suddenly you can change your chick every day, man. Because I might
be a writer or a photographer and suddenly you're stuck by public image. This
destroys me, you know, because I've got a chance as a ... to become famous.
I don't want to become famous because then I'm caught by my public image. When
I become famous-when I become famous I'm going to stop photographs-I'm going
to become a unrecognizable character.

Jimi: That's right. Just like you might meet beautiful girls-just might be "Miss
right" and go off into something so completely. But you might meet a beautiful
girl because of your name, you know. Somebody says, "Well, listen, I'm your manager,
you know, I'm so-and-so, and I want you to meet this _model_ just came in from
Paris. And she's _beautiful_. But there is a thing like, just like ... being frank
again-but mine might not look as ... I mean, she might look so beautiful, more
than this girl you might realy dig. But still you gotta be around you know ...
it's a thing like, oh God! ... understand the fact that you might still love
somebody deep down inside but still physically a such an elementary stage as you
might "screw" somebody else, you know. But still deep down inside you have this
deeper feeling for a person that you might've ...

Clapton: I know I can screw anybody but it doesn't chance ... (he is interrupted by
several voices, all indistinguishable)

Jimi: That's right. Aw, if girls could understand this. Listen, I'm'a tell you
something, man. Girls realy couldn't understand this.
(this next remark by Clapton sparks a highly spirited conversation and the tape
is riddled with indistinguishable voices and remarks)

Clapton: No, it's not-it's what they say-if girls could understand it ... if it's
this, man. You are a man  ... so listen. I dig this girl. I think she's the
greatest thing that ever happened to me and I'll always, you know, be awed by her ...
but I can go out and screw a thousand other girls and think "I still dig Chrissie."
But what happens when Cristine gets up and screws another thousand blokes plus ...

All together: That's right! Then it gets really! Owww man!

Jimi: That's right, men are ...

Clapton: ... They've got phrases like, "It's a man's prerogative" ... I think men ...
the whole world makes me laugh right now ... 'cause I mean my concerts are ...
(confusion settles somewhat)

Chrissie: Leave a seat for me ...

Clapton: Yeah, well, you know, baby, any time you want to come along and have
a look at ...
(repeated gaps in the tape during the following remarks by Jimi)

Jimi: ... most the time if it's somebody I realy like I don't want to hurt them
no kinda way. Regardless if you do it to a trip you know that somebody's liking
you-realy truly like you, you know that they still gonna hurt regardless ...
of how ... you know [large gap] ... and don't take over forty-hey Christine,
don't take over forty-five seconds, please huh ... I don't want to be
another beautiful gaiety image, you know beautiful ... I was sayin'to a fourteen-
year-old do exactly what you want, regardless, because this is your own generation,
man, and if youre not going to live this generation the way you wnat to you have no
other ones to live, you know ... [skips in tape] ... see 'cause they just get in
a commercial bag ... they let it interfere with their own emotions ... that's
right and you know what? I might make I'll say in American terms, three dollars
that year and I might not even spend it all. I don't think about, you know, the
future because ... money doesn't mean that much. If I was very gold-conscious-gold
money .. I make my lettle thirty dollars. ...

Voice 1: Somehow ... (laugh)

Jimi: ... and I make thirty more dollars and put it away in the bank. After about
eighty-nine weeks I have a little nut ... [aside] That's the sun coming up? ...
But I don't look at that. ...

Capton: I wish I could make more money ...

Jimi: Aw, man ...

Jimi Hendrix:
Voodoo child of the aquarian age
david henderson, '78

I'll look up the time and place of the original conversation.