Thu march 28 2001, 1:30 AM
I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts and events.
Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies, but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing a iota or tittel...
And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine that.
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Some days ago, I made a reasonable amount of text about important subjects and ideas, which luckily I could put on the internet, and I think I'll add some more on some of the things I've been thinking about, for instance on the webcam girl who seems to have overcome what some criminal did to her.
As diversion or a bit of colour, I'll put on a little computer graphics image, which is interesting an image, and eastetical enough, though not slick:
Radiosity Example, notice the inaccurate area source
The image shows a groundplace a cube and some other graphics objects, and a single polygon which acts as a light source to lighten the whole scene. The radiosity algorithm spreads that light around, with the intention of making the lighting realistic, like it would appear on a photo. A major point with which radiosity techniques can be recognized is that under the centre cube, the light has bounced up from the purple place, to make the bottom of the cube lit up a bit, which most other methods would never compute, as well as the idea of 'fuzzy' shadows, which of course is more realistic than the sharp shadows most ray-tracing methods will come up with.
The blender program (which I still could get from www.blender.pl poland I think, 'download' is readable) does a nice enough try at making many subdivisions on the planes where the light gradually or abruptly changes intensity. In the process of computing these radiosity based lighting components, it shows where the light transfers are computed, and where objects are given a more refined mesh which remembers the light distribution.
The company blender, with not-a-number I think has had its share holders file for bankrupcy I read on their page recently, which is a pity, I might have liked to make some money with my skills in the area.. Let me check.
Oops, its seems their whole site www.blender.nl is down now, not even a notice page anymore. I guess the dutch graphics maffia branch decided my knowledge and possibilitied became to threatening again, is it? Not sure, but its a small world. Having fits of paranoia, Verelst? No. I just knew more than enough about even the world graphics scene to know what is going on, and in holland I've just been to prominent and capable to pass by unnoticed and that world, I'm certain. The 3 million or so graphics project I was part of and definitely prominent in for normal viewers may not have been the best thing ever in graphics, but the serious and funded aim of making a new type of graphics computer architecture for radiosity and ray tracing operations was ambitious enough to be interesting in general, and if it would have all worked, which I could have made happen, but didn't want to in the end, was at least innovative.I say could have, I'm the only one who was in who was both capable of writing all the softeware needed, and getting it to work right enough to realy be taken seriously, including distributed computing, and of using my computer design experience to get a machine like that to actually work and even perform, and as it ended, the others needed me for that, and not or hardly the other way around, which is pretty much academic history in the local course of events by now, I guess. Nothing much realy interesting at all currently comes from the place and the people as it stands now, I seem to observe without too much difficulty or exageration.
Anyhow, when I want a piece of the for instance software cake, which should normally be offered when I utter such desire with a sort of 'please' in the idea, I know that bunches of toes of the ones who couldn't that much are lined up to step on, which I didn't, but I can't easily manouvre for just some do or eu without major effect possibility, I'm positive.
The blender idea was nice enough, free software of good enough quality with serious 3D graphics facilities, even an animator section. But who is going to pay for all these goodies? Appearantly the stock owners didn't anymore.
What happens when I want to start my own company in a country where I can't even be taken serious for who I provably am because the satanists, child abuse maffia, or general criminal scenes can't stand not to be able to rule the world in their own pityfull eyes. 'No nuclear missiles in holland', that will teach them. And of course that has made the whole threat leave the world. Don't strive for something worth while, guys, the provincials are always better in the end. And if we reverse them with the ones who might have some normalness in mind left and are capable of performing at lets say serious world top or subtop level, we will always have power. The cdu has told us so.
It's common knowledge, everything sticking its head or more above the mawning field should be cut down, in the lowlands that they think is better, which it isn't, of course. It's lack of guts, lack of leadership skills or vision, if you like, or simply the result of a lack of talent. Or failing use of it, which probably after some time will pay of making the whole thing depressing and mindless drivel.
Even though I don't currently spent a day's work with computers or some other paid profession, I haven't written a diary page every day.
Not that I need to, though it sais on my home page, which has been there for more than a few years now, that I'd sort of try to write every day. That would make for quite some pages, and as it is, there are indeed quite some pages, about a hundred fifty, which is enough to fit in a few books.
I don't think as a whole they qualify to print as they are, that wouldn't make sense enough because they aren't intended for it, sometimes clearly refer to web sources, and also assume either more personal knowledge, or more knowledge through my other web pages.
The other web pages haven't grown in volume so much lately, they've been extended by the wavelab and nanobiology materials, but not so many new pages or page trees, not because I can't, but I haven't seen it right, or didn't see enough purpose, currently.
I've started them out as a means to spread my opinion, prove beyond reasonable doubt that I was at least not seeing ghosts or crazy, and give ample support for my utterances that I wanted to aim for and achieve certain goals, both professionally and personally.
The diary pages I've written over a few years give some impression of my life, but have often been intended to basically fight something, or try to built something, maybe even trust, apart from being a means to inform or entertain, and give some people the chance to without being in touch getting an idea of what I'm thinking about.
I'm writing this on a simple notepad, luckily with the aid of a not so good CD player doing a completely worth while impersonation of Hendrixs' BBC sessions, the first CD, which I've missed a long time because it was stolen or made missing soon after some years ago I bought it myself, and had a player for it, too.
'Can you please crawl out your window?' Sure. I guess.
'some other gipsy woman told my mother, before I was born,
she said you've got a boy child coming, he gonna be a son of a gun
he's gonna make little girls jump and shout
and then the world and then the world is gonna know, what its all about'
(hoochie coochie man)
It wouldn't surprise me if my mother is not excactly willing to speak about the reasons she told me when some things were hard on me that it was all to bad what had happened to speak with me about, not even when I was willing to take it she might to be honest for instance a little bit about her alledgedly being christian. From certain remarks I wouldn't be surprised the voodoo child logic isn't far from what she and some illustuous others I've known in the past have been seriously into. She certainly almost flatout betrayed me after years where she had beyond any doubt proven she was worth no personal trust in the sense of even knowing a start of respect for things obviously and provably true about myself.
So my mother isn't the intended audience to convince about my good intentions, my capabilities, or my desires in any area of life except being away from systems like she and others must be in.
My father was provably for the major part of my yought double enough and emotionally lets say oppressive enough to never let him in much on my personal sides, and later, when I was grown up enough to live for myself and more than little time before that, proved to be only lets say leadable, and lately has proven to betray just the same and be nothing much worth otherwise thus far: I couldn't even get a decent message or opinion about what was going on for years, and frankly don't need it either, except I'd want to know what happened to my personal belongings. They both have quarreled and been impossible enough to eachother to make me much aware of what sin means in that walk of life, and it is common knowledge enough that they've wanted to seperate even, and more misery, which isn't that important or relevant for me now, but at least I don't need to proof much to be convinced and convincing for any serious bystander that betrayal is all over the game I've witnessed with them when my life was not nice.
I'm sure that I've not been average, and that there have been parties in what one may call illuminati (historical word) and even in lets say leading circuits at nation level with an interest in my life at points.
I've realy built and made those computer circuits when I was 12, and even earlier, which was at least known by some people, even though I didn't regularly discuss that with my friends, which I always had around, of various nature. I've even shown some family working circuits enough to make it quite likely that some 'people' who probably want to remain hidden can have easily known about my quite extraordinary qualities.
I remember some guys, no in fact one, who were into computers in lets say 1978, and had the attitude I might learn something, but not one for many years who would even have the first idea of what a microprocessor actually was, let alone how to built the damn things from gates or even transistors if needed. And by 1980 at least, I could, and I would. Realy, for real, you could have given me a load of 74xx(x) series ttl chips, and half a table with enough breadboards preferably, and I seriously, cross my heart and hope to die is the expression could have built a computer core which would have ticked pretty decent after some time, maybe days, maybe weeks.
I didn't have that many parts, because I had to buy them on my allowance, I couldn't get those from old TV sets, normally. But for instance a digital clock I could built in the evening, between watching TV and going to bed, in all seriousness, that was a hobby I found fun enough, not work. And not from from prefab units or chips, but with gates, counters and unspecial (the cheapest) displays, like maybe electrical engineering students could learn at some point as practicum at university.
All I had were library books, my philips experimentor kit, and my boxes with slowly accumulated part sets. I was interested in making programs myself others wouldn't even be able to use for many years to come or ever much, when I was starting on the trs-80 clone we luckily got at home probably before '80 I guess, and then I'd use them to for instance have some fun doing binary multiplications or synth programming in assemly I'd read about in a Radio Shack book on sale about the 8080 processor.
Why all this 'good ole times' stuff? Because for those who do have a serious interest: I've not been late in understanding illuminati exist, were evil, and for instance target for getting out of the way in the various historic and essential revolutions in the western world, but I've been sure as hell late to discover that my role in certain games at world top level must have not been as inspicuous and remote from anything known or famous as I'd still have assumed without certain trains of obvious events the last years of my life.
And that apart from it being professionally and probably interestwise interesting and worth while to bring to attention that my capabilities are realy more than provably good enough to receive more than a normal share of attention, even in science and engineering, it is probably of major interest to certain parties, unfortunately not just in this country (Netherlands), that this little and later bigger guy me must have been beating the crap out of a system which realy seriously does aim at world power, and does a more than horrible job of trying to get there, and does not like anyone to try to achieve a serious position in anything without receiving some mark or being blackmailable enough, let alone someone who claims to be good enough to singlehandedly make major impact in the interpretation of the ongoings alone of the big computer world, and who is not even willing to acclaim that they should be any party at all.
What does he think he is, electrical engineer? Certainly, and a top one, even, in various areas of science when I want to be. I'll not claim to be the best overall as I am, I think that there is to much out there to realy all master, especially in the more advanced branches of that sportsleague, I don't think I'd try to even seriously design a single mobile phone without first accumulating a load of knowledge gotten at by others. Way to many things and devices and parts to know about. I could explain it's operation though, I guess I could teach classes in it after a few weeks of going over the appropriate datasheets (electronics parts user manuals with scientific set up).
Why? Because I've been into similar things all my life, and my intelligence and knowledge and education are up it, I'm skilled enough in knowing what goes on in designs like that, by and large, though I should catch up on quite some electromagnetical field applied theory for the frequencies at hand. And quite some who I've been near in hollands' top technical university, some of which alledgedly were even to be important in running things there, were not anywhere near such capacities. I could make a bunch of guys, who probably weren't even good to begin with, but that is another story, work together quite fine, with them liking that and what I'd make them into, which is more than I've seen from them, also. And I do have the breath to stretch such an experiment or measurement without the need to refeul for 20 years without real trouble.
I've been near, and am still near the kinds who in this country, and most certainly also outside it, want to run things, make their eucharist the best, beat or 'have' everything in some strangely defined way, without many around, especially with real enough power to point out that the greek and the romans knew already that such games are probably not the best idea to put it mild, and to point out that the content, also of a leading person or party should be the main thing to test, and not the position of some pencilpusher or the power to convince or deceive of a piper or the wealth of a motherfigure. 'May the best win', and lets discuss what is important, the world in sin is bad enough as it is already, no need to give milosovits a better life in prison in my hometown and make childabusers rule the country because they will in the end rule realy everything in the free economy and give such amazing power over whatever. To hell with them. And let them not pass the first square and not receive a ton a year for their treaserousness.
Do you remember the little boys watermouthing for a single bit of even shared attention from their great fuehrer, which in the end realy do take that crazy nut written 'main kampf' serious because it contains so much doubleness and languagewise allusions to what they were thinking about all day that they forget what the content of that book leads to, AND that they in the end made an amazing and very deadly amount of tanks, planes, submarines and boats, and even rockets to attack the rest of europe, where you would be living. And I don't think anyone liked the results much, already in '39, or they would never have had the need to attack anyone but instead have solved their own problems and lived a happy life.
The persuit of happyness never rang many bells in my mind, when I must have read about that in highschool or in some of the many books I'd get from the library, for instance the sci fi ones. I'd understand the idea of freedom, which wouldn't be like the luxury of taking a ride in a big and good car for lunch, but getting away with a technically very advanced and pioneering device to the next solar system, and find out how much I'd want certain people and wether some woman I'd realy want would be crazy (as I then at times, though not generally, that was I guessed an age thing, thought) enough to join and come along. Or have to go to some interstellar space station to meet some nice people including them, instead of a freak show.
I didn't understand that that great whore from rome and her competitors and owned properties were probably even trying their every best to rob me of everything they could never alienate from me if I would be publically known enough for who and how I was. The attractiveness might kill hers, and her little children victims, owned with their lives to whore for her sake, would not be up to my games, and the little boys raised by her sworn enemies probably wouldn't be much either in the areas I was into.
And frankly I though the acts and bands I knew, lets say Chicago, Chic, Rolling Stones maybe, Kiki Dee, Bill Healey even Elton John were maybe alluding at times to badness in life and unfreedom, abuse or misery ('nobody knows the trouble I've seen' sure was clear enough a blues song even as a 10 year old), but I didn't realize they were in fact usualy probably, like I, more into the persuit of at least some happyness to make some sense in life than playing into various areas of life where they would sin on purpose because the world was so boring that the who would even smash some guitars and their equipment to pieces because they were bored so many girls would fall in love with them. The whole idea of the normal life in europe to be so much into the incredible horrors, ordeals, tortures, craziness, attempts for spiritual projections for compensating even the understanding of what normalness could be because everything is corrupted from the start and all that is hardly even challenged let alone won from, wasn't clear to me, and I didn't live in such thoughts, though I am certain others have, and that others still were trying to get me into feeling miserable. Because then they'd have some power or something, or some crazy idea of compensation for their own misery, or other psychological schemes which don't work much apart from maybe getting some shrink famous by not following the worst logic to final and utter death.
I probably gave most poetic places in myself to such music and books which were fun enough, and lots of TV from the original star track to six million dollar man and friends who probably either needed enough of me who thought that way or simply didn't challenge all that to much, so I grew up trying to think in the space hendrix wouldn't have had all to much part in, except I'm certain I knew and quite liked 'hey joe' and maybe some more songs.
I a bit later understood enough of 'paradise by the dashboard light', though I very unfortunately did not understand that in the time I danced at that song completely different reasons were very effective against me in my life, for very evil reasons not at all in the line of woman (one in that time, very mainly) wanting the security of a marriage before they'd talk much and live with me.
What do I hear, so called mother whore and abuse woman thinking they'd rule a province or maybe a country and their fit to die husbands starting to hurt because they can't touch that? Fuck them even worse, then, I don't think I've gotten back to them double yet for what they've done to others, and I'm not going to forgive them for sinning against the holy spirit all their lives and with all signs they've ever made, so they've got the rest of my or their lives at least to go to suffer as a retribution for causing so much suffering, then they die like everyone else, and then they're hopefully and as I believe judged by Someone who is God and sent to hell forever. Simply because they deserve to.
Europe might have been taken up on their trustability (or lack of it in many areas) by a nation who probably didn't perfectly understand or implement their will to be against the sins which ruin states and empires, but that game acts as exposure game, and I'd say primarily to expose the problems in ruling and gouvernment, maybe things like human rights and such, and hopefully the causes for and persons causing great evil and their roles, but not as an alternative 'fuck the whore, preferably where we win her type of riches' game to gain world control in the same ways the tyrants and evil women would, and some barbarians who did get to rule Jesus' world didn't primarily, probably, or they wouldn't have made it long and collapsed and be known as undesirable incredibly more.
In other words the taking up corrupted heads of an evil gouvernment system to in the end put them down, dissolve their system, or make many people better of by exposing them and their secret games and witchcraft bases and sorcery sources and logic, and their great mummies and their treasurousness, mysteries and lies and bowls with so great miseries nobody would live anymore, can be a honorable 'game' which may be hard work and save many from many miseries and death, but becoming part of the game yourself should not be put at risc, because the results of a monroe may not be the worst to live with in the end, the system so many presidents must have grown from in many, many states or nations has proven it is. And badly so.
The space seems gone. 'If you leave me now' speaks about the second phase of a misery which must have been ungoing in my emotional interpretation. Not many I can perceive anything at all would have similar feelings about it, I'm affraid. And affraid I can be at times. Not that I cannot control it, or prevent it even, but a major fear is hard to get away from completely in the sense of having to be aware of the risc, which is bad when that is needed, maybe the Asterix comic books (which of course also where in the not so limited supply of library books and birthday presents) state it understandably, were the little gallian village continuously resisting the attacking roman armies has unhabitants made invincable by a magic potion which gives supernatural strength who only worry 'que le ciel ne tombe pas a la tete', that the sky doesn't fall on their heads.
I cannot discern for certain all the causes, also not exactly what is simply personal experience, of me and others somehow linked with me, but I could at times sit in a car in the rain as a boy, and feel the pleasant coolness in a hot summer, hear an abba song (as I wrote probably mainly orchestrated and detailedly influenced productionwise by one woman), and understand what a 'rainy day in georgia' must have been about. And then hopefully without anything that makes this world so miserable and cut up and guilty around for miles. When I had my own car, I would find peace enough of such kinds at various places and times in europe and holland, even doing 180 k per hour (legally, on the german highways..), apart from liters of feul soaking through my engine, without it getting much noisier than the tires and wind.
But it should be easy, and preferably not require a major machine to push through whatever is needed to make some sense of freedom of such kinds good enough.
The space is gone. And then the thrill of course will soon be out the door for many important things, too. When all is 'had' or sacrificed to or 'given to' or even alledgedly consecrated by all kinds of evil and its advocates, the first things which must slip out the door must be freedom and the senses of being right enough, followed by understanding and the whole of things still feeling good enough. I guess it is not unlike occult oppression, once we accept some demon telling us all kinds of lies, play the ouia board and talk with some alledged deseased (which it I'm very certain realy never is), or take part in other occult games, sorcery or witchcraft, all of us would start to develop similar symptoms as have been known longer than all of us live: disorders, loss of concentration, strange pains or unfitnesses, loss of sleep and maybe apetite, fears for no appearent reasons, and more of all that misery.
When a society is realy founded on the fabric that also causes these things, it is without question going to suffer from similar phenomenea, and not going to have any space at all for the real important things in poetic or essential sense like selfrespect or a normal kind, feelings of genuine enough love and kindness, untainted emotions about major portions of life without lies, enfin the usual stuff artist should be about at least understanding.
Sich heil is easy. Leaving home ain't easy (queen song from decades ago). But may be the only way. Some did, long ago, and made 52 nations quite unlike the rest of us, and in fact even in europe, many changes have been wrought as a result of the freedom, economically, socially, personally, and especially religiously brought about by a renaissance as some may have called it, or enlightenment, and of course rooted in the most major religeous turn the world has probably ever seen since the days of Jesus and his followers.
I wanna have 'one scotch, one bourbon and one beer' when I like to, and not have my friends or associates try their just not best enough to somehow pay their dues to a nazi like system or their mother ways of unfreedom, listen to some nice or good enough music without paying sickening amounts to support the local criminals without having to worry to listen to some ass who thinks more about abusing children than having even the first serious thing to say or play, or engage in doing the same with at least some people understanding what the hell I'm about and at least not being against me, and if not, I'm even willing to go to war or this time do produce even the arms until that is possible. And preferably in the meanwhile get the hell away to places where that is not all too unreasonable to aim for. Taking the risc of never leaving, which at times seems nothing compared to the risc of not getting there in reasonable amounts of time.
BB king more than a few years ago in an interview told that he would as young person had the choice between playing gospel like songs, or play the blues, and that somehow he would find it easy to chose to play the blues with people walking by giving him money if he'd play that music. The blues would be profitable, and people would like him to play that, and make it clear.
I don't remember where the sections' title is quoted from, but I guess at least it makes sense to explain something about it, and make clear why everything that isn't right should somehow be rebuked in it.
When I learned to play the blues as I though I should, meaning beyond the chords of the 12 bars in every key from A to G sharp and not to advanced themes and solo lines, about 15 years ago, I liked it for obvious enough reasons, I was sad about various things enough, in certain ways felt lonely, then again partying at times seemed quite fine just the same, and I felt I could at least have my freedom enough, having a place of my own, and even an instrument I liked for responding with a velocity sensitive piano keyboard, as I'd wanted a long time. I liked that bleus songs dealt with important subjects in life, and they seemed to say things in a way which maybe wasn't inherently bitter or implicitly accepting the miserable ways in the world to get a person down, corrupted or away from being a person with his or her emotions and opinions, and the space to utter them without having to file for a ceremony or proper political rituals of feigned or real respect, or making submission clear all the time to some ruler of the neighbourhood.
My loved one is gone, and I feel bad. I'm gonna get to the evil that got her or him or them, and I'm gonna start getting myself on top of it, keeping or getting my hart together (just nicked that one from a hendrix song moving the membranes in my headset) and I play good enough to make clear I'm not going to be had by them, or not heard by many others to bring my case forward, and feel better. At least. Or not feel unmasculated enough not to in the end get up to even buy a machine gun if that is required for justice, peace or maybe even honours' sake.
Lately I've had some fun listening to for instance 'professor longhair', and other some others, which would play bleusy songs, not like the hard chicago, or barely moveable missipi pioneer players, probably talking about similar principles, but in a more intricate, almost spookie way, or maybe just refering to the idea that a normal and heart felt bleus is hard to put down and make stand in a normal way when so much is so hazed up and strange. I guess st louis has too much catholic mess.
'How come my dog didn't bark when you came around' is an example title which could probably refer to 'hound dog', which I knew from Elvis, but just heared come by from Hendrix (which one is better?). Of course the tone of voice and intonation is imperative for the right effect of pronouncing that sentence.
There are other ways to indicate what one thinks is wrong, though I find the above quite amusing. I was reading a copy of comic called 'Haagse Harry', which is about a character living in my birth and yought town The Hague, which I guess is a place I can still be without feeling miserable, I at times even like enough to be near for instance the beach there. The character is portraied as having the looks of a completely asocial person in trainingsuit, with the wrong haircut, unhealty habits and a very big mouth starting of on the first page using every swearword close to cancer from a medical dictionary to some woman of as it seems similar appearance. The exchange of namecalling ends with him calling her something like a pavement whore, which is sort of like expressing he realy likes her.
The figure makes all kinds of mess, and uses a lot of strong language and even violent inclinations, but at every page with a story seems to make at least one or two points which are hard to deny him, and even it seems his attitudes and words are not too much out of line with the seriousness of the subjects. One I remember is written on his T shirt, which is regularly used to carry all kinds of slogans: 'I smell Curbains's brain'. In a socker game Ado gets a cross sign, while ajax the (6 pointed) star. No harm intended.
The main blueses of compact and broad reaching nature I remember having learned in that time and played, too are 'mean mistreating mama' and 'Johny be goode', both still completely relevant.
As any normal person would know: not that much. Maybe a few things. Maybe one artist. In Holland maybe Herman Brood was hip. He is dead now. I guess he wasn't that good a person, but then again, I'm sure he didn't like child abuse.
There should be this nice world knowing attitude woman to brighten things up and not realy rip you off when you buy a piece of art, hopefully making life a bit less miserable. Maybe an artist making a statement good enough to be actually given public space. Some rich in need of a club which gives them some esteem or a replacement feeling for it, and without needing to know much support some of the not so low artistic life forms.
And maybe folklore to brighten up the neighbourhood, or if one realy feels fancy style or some recogniseable character to stand out to be noticed.
There are internet artist who are more capable of just about all that, and they're making things for free, and two I've had an interest in were quite young women / girls. The idea that some conglomerate of somehow above average rich formerly probably pretty miserable human beings in a system soaked with mistery for covering up and old mamma trying to put her little boys in place claims to be hipper than just about all there is including a Stones' concert if they'd have the chance is mind boggling.
He joe, where are you going with that gun in your hands? I'm gonna shoot my ol'e mother.
Well done, my son, bless you. Yeah right.
How can a serious artist accept the sort of unfreedom that goes with hardly even understanding such concepts after the middle ages, enlightenment, the major revolutions, in the us as well as in europe, maxism, rationalism and two world wars ?
Would the illuminati-like maffia rule forever, isn't there some way out of their railtracks, sacrifical rites, oppression, extorsion, blackmail, and other kinds of mainly hidden terror? I'm sure there is. And even when this country would be run by only the kind which agrees with or takes part in abusive rituals and life modes which I'd probably preferably kill them for just like the french did at some point in their revolution, and have as their purposes nothing but to somehow get a little control or stolen life or emotions lookalikes through the (evil) allseeing eye idea, the beast and its numbers, or through realy becoming good enough whoremongers, then STILL the constitution makes it so that unless some powerfull enough party like the whole of germany gives them support and wins, they do NOT have the powers they want, and can never even realy start to, publically.
Freedoms of various kinds, also in holland, are an unalienable and explicit right every person is entitled to, and must, also according to law, know about and respect.
Unless the nazi's in some 'new' form (gmph) do win at some point, that system simply isn't ruling, and I doubt it ever will, milosovits or not. I simply don't believe it works, except that average maffia structures do, and when people join the freemasons, they together can do harm, and daddies can belief their great furher realy is worth following with the power they do have. And if it would it would make people so unhappy they'd want to abolish it themselves, I'm sure, and demonology tells me the little pests that want to rule and make it all certain ways will never make it enough in the whole of things, because even if it is after decades or centuries even, God is still up there, and most his real christians per person are enough to put those things down in the name above all names.
All kinds of hidden agenda's to become scribes, zacheuses, hypocrites claiming to be men of God, and plans on (german accent on) 'rrruling zhe worrld' are not constitutional to begin with when they are part of criminal organisations. And child abusers, sellers of men and women, and intending to be slave (maybe serf) keepers, as well as those who bring misery and destruction on others on purpose, and those who simply want to exploit and rob what they think they can get away with, certainly are normally criminal after normal law in those ways. Which means that they can never rule legally, and even if they could pull the amazingly stupid trick to mess it all up, there'd be people who know. All to well. What they've done, threatened with, as soon as that happens, and taken. Always. I'm sure part of Gods damnation is that that fear will do them the non-blessing of making them sensitive to all kinds of spiritual oppression which isn't good for normal people. Sleep tight.
The greek had many stories and ideas about the 'gods' the demi-gods, and human beings, and the actual things that go on in the realms of these beings, through stories.
I'm sure Plato knew about the jewish kings and people somehow. When Paul much later went to greece, he on the areopagus, where men would meet to discuss topics, he was asked to talk about the new religion he was probably know to be main advocate of, which he did, cunningly or not, by refering to the idea that the greek had am alter where they would sacrifice or bring hommage to the 'unknown god'. He set out to tell them about that God, who had sent His son, who paul claimed to have met when he was a bit older, after that son, Jesus, had as the end result of the ways of the unsaved world, been crucified, and had risen from the dead, as the four gospels, written by others than paul, tell us.
The commodores, the rock/funk band (what is it exactly?) have a song called 'Jesus', I think the same holds for early queen, I have to say I haven't heard either: I might look them up on the internet. I'm sure there are quite some others, including jazz performers who would if that would seem right, or who at least would for themselves know very well that that person is important, also for their existence in their music.
And I mean in a positive enough sense, not like the demons, or the pope and its followers, who very well know even the name of Him.
It was I'm certain indeed God who sent that person, and I do believe that He indeed after Gods law came without sin, unto salvation. And as we all know I guess the result of his presence was that the religeous leaders of the people he was from together with the rulers of the world that was came up with nothing better than to actually kill that good man, who did not much wrong except maybe be a pain in the but and preach against certain types of rulers, though as it seems not much against the roman army men who were the power source for the emperor, and lots of good otherwise.
That death is essential as we are clearly informed about by probably every of the early apostles who were his disciples first (except Paul). Of course also because it was followed by the acceptance of God for being a sacrifice which was perfect, and shouldn't happened after justice, proven by that Son of God coming out of the underworld or death after three days, showing himself again to followers in an as it seems new, probably heavenly body.
Still with me? I don't know how that all is. I don't know if I belief in aliens. I do believe that person was who he claimed He was, and that He was promised, and had powers beyond what I can normally imagine, over time, and I guess over matter, though I wouldn't know what that is or what it exactly means. For instance that revelation after His words predicts what the new religeous world history will look like for millenea after. And that He as jewish carpenter son would take some fisherman and others along for a few years, and change the course of religeous and world history singlehandedly by also making them capable of writing and speaking words which still have that power 1500 years later.
That the world has been proven to be bad to even put that good man to death, is historic proof of the first order that probably God demanded to make clear beyond any doubt that man by nature is inclined to evil, and that the damnation that somehow became mankinds share cannot be saved from by any man, except by that one which God would give, who had to expose what there was, be good, not sin against God's realy holy laws once even, and defeat even death.
Luckily for all born afterward, the world system and its former wannabee ruler, the devil and what goes with that thing, has been subdued by Him, and He made it possible to be forgiven in His name to be able to be in touch with God, which is otherwise completely imppossible because of His holyness.
Wanna become theologian or 'evangelist', or 'bible teacher' here, Verelst? I mean, seriously, what the hell...
Well, gee, uhh, donno, if you ask it that way, possible, I guess, though others should know those things, too, I'm not the sole source or guru of that knowledge, in fact I didn't invent it myself. I'd have some interesting subjects, points and results as top professor in the area, THAT I do dare to claim, against the odds of being called deranged still.
What the best way is to use my talents, also in that area, I'm not certain, though I'd have an opinion about it, as it seem regularly a decent school teacher is probably a better solution to a lot of problems like the nazis and all kinds of obvious evils. And I don't mean that that than could be Einstein to some peoples special luck, but just the regular things many would need to know more that it seems to have worked, at least as far as I've regularly witnessed.
That great song in revelation, who would make that, or lets say how would that be? 'Guitar accompinament: Jimi, hyperorgan: J.S. Bach' Should I bring my prophet 10 ?
Maybe few of the doubtlessly countless people who were given the priviledge to work in Gods plans, and who were never recognized. Or who suffered because they did so, publically or not.
No gregorian babylonian murmering will be heard there, I'm sure. Christ was descendant of David, who seems to have been sure it was right to make a 'loud noise before the Lord'. I hear he even danced naked. Was that fun?
The earliest new testament epistle starts by informing the addressees (converted jews in Jerusalem) to 'lead the way in all pleasurableness' or something to that extent. What is that reversed from the greek?
I'm sure good rock and pop concerts aren't so bad.
The only trouble seem a little brown eyed, stamp moustached man
Wanna buy a sound system ? Or is the mark not right? Or did my mommie tell you hers will be better and own you forever?
Even if I'm a voodoo child, or if some angel from heaven or president would come to me and try to preach me some gospel or law other than what I think I've learned right enough, let them be damned. I prefer not to, I'm not crazy.
Where the spirit of God is, there is freedom. Corruption is in the world, and I don't like it.
I've recently read on www.dawnmarie.com that this 'girl with a webcam' and more had a serious problem with someone who appearantly got in her house and wounded her, which is very unpleasant. It seems the cam hasn't helped, tough I think it should, it made me think about a lot of the things I've written about in my homepage, from the pages on doing something at least about the babylonical vow of silence, to the pages where I describe the working prototypes of zeppelins under remote control.
I don't like a life where so much hidden violence, wrape, oppression, and worse if possible is given so much space. Maybe one shouldn't discuss such subjects, and give the miserable nobodies who want some power or whatever it is that way no room for extra attention. At times that may work better, but I cannot ignore such horrors, and the multitudes who as it seems follow or give place to the ones engaging in them. Writing about life and some people I'd like to be with me I certainly cannot evade the subject, watchdogs crawling all over the place at least it should be noted that I'm aware of the idea of trying to keep people in bondage by trying to make them affraid and reminding them of horrible events, which is probably the only thing a braindead nobody can come up with if they've got nothing interesting or good enough to offer and have the idea that life isn't worth living in relative freedom and maybe happiness.
I'm aware of sin having made all in life on this earth inclined to evil at some point, so I understand I'm in the posession of a relatively positive mindset on the subjects involved, and that I can't assume my own standards on life can be found abundantly in life as it is, but I refuse to give up on the idea that a lot is possible in positive sense, not in the least because a lot of a lot worse scenarios aren't there now anymore or didn't happen.
That being grace of God, the result of the incapabilities of mankind as it is to realy do blow up the earth, or because of other reasons, I like to at least try to find things which are worth while and likeable, because if there is nothing worth in anymore, than why bother. When I play a good record or CD on a nice stereo system, I like to enjoy myself, also when the world is bad, probably that works better. And when I'm doing something with a computer, I don't want to be reminded too much about the possible corruption or failures of some microsoft or other piece of software, but have fun or get something done. The idea that someone comes to check their supposed neighbourhood or that I have to pay some dues and like it is wrong, I don't like to have to live in a life which is about sacrificing everthing that happens or is somehow because that is considered bon ton. F* that.
They used to have that, and I though in a long ago more mindless past. By jove (IVIVIV ?), by Zeus, by st Peter, whatever, that sort of misery. Gods which require sacrifices, and must be kept satisfied and content by all kinds insipid rituals and maybe horrible sacrifices, I always thought that was for the primitive bashmen who hadn't yet seen the light of civilisation. Where at least they'd abuse in a civilized way, I hear some think, maybe. Granted, but still, the idea of gods and deamons being worshipped and so much part of peoples every minutes' actions is repulsing. Our great eucharist will win. Huh? What? Gestalt theory didn't make it to become all too popular for its fruits, isn't it?
I prefer after more than a little thinking for more than a few years, to stick with what I've mainly lived like in general, to take things for what they are: people worship is that, or oppression to an tirant, deamon worship is unacceptable and acts as damnation, blackmail or pressure into silence or a certain life is that, and qualifies as what fits in the normal maffia image, abuse and other kinds of violence are crimes which mean not much more than that the ones committing then are criminals and should be treated as such, and making people afraid to rule them is just that, while the same through occult means is attemp to sorcery and nothing else than that, and of course in variations to try to mix peoples' emotions up, especially in the 'love' area witchcraft, and that is all there is to it.
Lets at least call things by their name when possible, and not praise the wannabe almighty good for nothing liars put forward by the illuminati or maybe freemasons or whatever for what they are not: interesting or worth while giving space. When someone isn't what they claim, or aren't worth while or evil too much to ever want, then let them be known as such, and avoided, or prevented from ever being used for the obvious betrayal, in anguish because lifted over the horse (dutchism?), rat, mess up or whatever other role others want to use them for. Not because they're pityfill, even though true, but because nothing is going to be better when allison is rules by whatsitsname. There simply is no point. Nobody gains much. Maybe rome gains power, the rich more money and the same, and some monkey the idea of a beautiful wife they wouldn't know what to do with for real. Just bad things, and not even that much for the ones on the side of the line where they hope to gain some inapproriate or criminal to death profits. Nobody gets much from it.
It seems what I could call 'clintonism' or maybe something else has kept the most (for real) powerfull ones in the world in a spell since the last serious war against at least also such hidden and obvious dangers and errors, and not maybe are willing or capable to make possible what probably was there a whole lot more in the 70's through the maybe honesty and probably work in the 60s. That is bad, and I think at least food for very serious thought, if at least there must remain some space on this globe for more than house beats not even using the synths they were made with, let alone communicate much worth even listening to contentwise. And that space in thinking may well be a very scarce, and economically important commodity, especially when it isn't there anymore, and when space in this world is not exactly increasing.
Obvious subjects and logic for when I was twelve, but I guess also we didn't all make it to the formerly blessed title of engineer, to mention something, and maybe I've quite underestimated my significance in more than one area, but to think I', sort of the only one to realy notice and want to mind, would normally seem ludicrous. Supposing I belief in election and ministries, which is true, more could be said, but then, too, I'd like to find some who at least understand, and preferaly be ahead in these sort of areas every now and then, because otherwise it's realy not much fun, and I don't need to oppress or steal faces to feel better or feel on top, I think I'm more constructed to deal with the best, that is probably better use of my possibilities, and I'd prefer solar power over nuclear bombs, but that is quite negotiable. Are remote controlled, self contained blimps with a gsm, camera, solar pannel and satelite link army material ?
At least I'm sure I must have hit some people and circuits hard enough for them to hurt with what I've been into and how I've responded otherwise I can't explain attention for my subjects on the one hand and the downright insane responses of so many who shouldn't on the other hand. Not getting a serious amount of job and work and money offers a week with my capacities, workpower and proven valid plans for one thing, being continuously worked against in ways unworthy of even regular civilians even by people I'd at least consider friends, probably because they are made into parts of a evil system from birth and find it hard to believe or understand what I think is basic and important, is something else. The blackmail or oppression some groups must be willing to engage in to keep me away from the supposed effective ones for instance in my past faith life is amazing and nothing short of ridiculous for even near normal people.
Of course many experience badness, uncomfort, imperfections and many kinds of oppressiveness in life, that isn't something I would notice, but when I look at politics in this country and want to understand what is going on and find almost nothing but reasons to belied that some hidden forces are playing their games, which are even mindless, and pointless and hardly worth mentioning, and that there is realy nothing much at all worth while noticing, that could be sadening. I've wanted to leave for another place on the globe long ago already, so emotionally it doesn't mean much to me, but it is sometimes mind boggling what people seem to think they must want.
And it doesn't help much making certain things better. When children learn from early on they must find all possible spaces to rebel against normalness and God, they might at least become thinkers with an attitude, not braindead goblins, emotional dwarfs, and followers to death of what is only evil and without any real meaning, contribution to the world or use. I'm sort of making clear that I'm not just making a plea for something I could at least position myself in without fealing in a surreal play which on top of being pointless is evil and boring, but also that a healthy form of selfishness could keep one from becoming all to deranged into something noone, me and them, benefits from. Gods damnation for certain things probably covers centuries, and cannot be fought even by me, I guess, but still, some who are not collaborators, continuously way over the line of being extorted socially into insane and harmfull positions, and can at least understand, feel sympathy for and maybe contribute to modes of life which could even stand the test of time would be good.
And then the jewish catholic childabusers with the illuminati desire to become the most succesfull antichrist themselves come by and do damage, or the catholics buy everything up and devaluate the rest, or the christians chicken out and want to become the best liars in the very name of their saviour, which than all has to be stopped by the mossad and the american army praying the guts out?
That without question depends on wether the great whore gets what she wants, we are raised up to make another beast with authority in our place, and let the hidden one who aren't much but want to be called great have what power and influence they want. And on wether we are aware of it that that is not Gods way, and socially and mindwise a very bad set of ideas.